Friday, May 29, 2009

My Prince Charming

True love stories never have endings. ~Richard Bach

When I was a little girl, I would dream of my prince charming. I would picture what he would look like and how he would sweep me off my feet. I wanted the fairytale life that I read in so many of my favorite books growing up. I would daydream about what he would look like, what our life would be like and the family we would create one day.

I met my prince five years ago today and we married exactly one year later. Our wedding was small only a little over 50 guests. Our bridal party consisted of my sister as matron of honor, his best friend as best man,
and my son Mikey as ring bearer. It was the perfect wedding. We were blessed with a beautiful day that we shared with our closest friends and family.

As a little girl, I dreamed of the wedding but never thought about the marriage. Marriage is not easy. These past four years have been a long roller coaster ride filled with many emotions and lots of ups and downs. There were times when I was terrified, excited, thrilled, disappointed, thankful and amazed.
There were times when I was holding on with a death grip and other times that I was flying with my arms over my head enjoying the ride. The thing about it is that for every low there is a high and we have found the balance. We don't have a storybook marriage but I wouldn't change it at all.

After four years, I am still in love with
my husband as much as I was on our wedding day. I still look at him admiringly and he still makes me weak in the knees when he smiles at me. We have a passion for one another that I think others dream of. When I married my husband he gave me three amazing stepchildren and I gave him one. Together we completed our family with another 2 gorgeous boys. We are blessed and I love him more for what he has given me. I see my husband in my children and it melts my heart.

I may not have the house with the white picket fence that I have always dreamed of yet but I know with time my husband will provide it for me like he has provide
d everything else for our family. He is an amazing man and I am so thankful that he is in my life.






Thursday, May 28, 2009

Memories

"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never wanted to lose."

Moments after I created this blog, I became very excited and thought about my first real blog entry. It was going to be something about the flowers my boys and I have been working so hard to grow and I wanted to go outside and take a picture of my sons special flowers. When I reached into my purse to retrieve it, I noticed it wasn't there. I searched everywhere for it recounting my steps and calling all the places I had been in and out of within the 2 week time frame since my last picture upload. After hours of searching and making phone calls I finally came to terms and accepted (as much as I possibly could) that my camera was gone. I have been particularly disappointed in myself for losing it and saddened knowing that I will not be getting a new one any time soon. Something my husband mentioned right away when I alerted him of my newest loss. Not that he doesn't want me to have a camera but in his defense he did just buy this one for me almost 2 years ago when my last camera broke.

As a mom to three small boys I tend to take a lot of pictures -- seriously. I average about 200-300 a month. While I have been sitting here watching my boys with their silly daily antics and bonding moments, it hurts when I reach my arm out for my camera that isn't there. It's sad because I feel like I am missing a piece of myself.

I know it seems silly but I am really lost. Memorial Day passed without pictures, Alex's first parade was not documented, Max with his clothes on all the wrong body parts pretending to be the clothes monster, special bonding moment between Mikey and Alex....all came and gone without capturing the memory forever.

Tomorrow, my husband and I will be celebrating our four year wedding anniversary and again no camera to document it. Nor will there be a camera at Mikey's tee-ball game on Saturday.

I know it sounds like I am whining but honestly I am heartbroken and utterly lost without my camera. It became my companion over the past few years and we had a lot of history together and captured a lot of memories. I guess I'm going to have to find another way to capture the memories.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Beginnings

Tonight I was sitting here reading "Change of Heart" by Jodi Picoult and watching my family out of the corner of my eyes. Mikey was annoying Max while Max was doing the same to Alex. I sat there yelling at them like I normally do and then it hit me. Why do I yell at them? I was a kid and I did a lot more than that before my mother came in and scolded me. Maybe it's because we live in a small apartment and we are always on top of each other. Or maybe it's because I am always in a constant battle with them over the mess that I cleaned 5 minutes earlier that seemed to reappear by the time I turned around. But the reality of it all is that I am having more bad moments then good.

I promised myself in the beginning of the year that I was going to work harder at letting the small things go, not just with my kids or my husband but with every day encounters. Maybe I just needed a little something to get me started...something like a daily reflection. This is where this blog comes in.

Daily Reflections will feature a small tidbit of my daily thoughts. Each day will be labeled by an intention or reflection word. Depending on the day. I will probably add in some of my favorite quotes and maybe a few spiritual journeys along the way but the project is going to try to be a daily effort.

Now it's time to open my heart and my soul and just.....release.

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