Reflections

Moving On

2010-09-04T13:34:00.000-04:00

As you may have noticed, I haven't been posting on here much anymore. It seems my comments have been hijacked by spammers and I am disappointed by all this. I know that Blogger now offers a spam detection but I am closing this blog. I created a new place on Blogger and ask that you join me over at Mindful Moments as well as my inspirational blog, Chasing My Bliss. I look forward to sharing this journey forward with all of you. Thank you.

Mandy

My Daily Cup of Solitude (Day 4)

2010-08-06T16:22:00.000-04:00

My intent for today is to remember to breathe as I release old habits and practice positive ones.

My inspiration came from an innocent conversation that Mikey and I had this morning about cereal. Max and Alex can eat their cereal whether it be dry or soggy and enjoy it in any form; whereas Mikey and myself will only eat it while it is slightly moist. Afterwards, I sat and reflected on this silly conversation which made me broaden my thoughts to the rest of my life. What in my life do I do by habit, and how are these habits serving me? I realized then that this was my intent for today, to change my perspective of the soggy cereal at the bottom of the bowl.

I shared a Zen Story on Chasing My Bliss. Would be curious to know what others understand from it. It seems that this one has been interpreted two different ways. I will keep my interpretation to myself so that I don't waver anyone's opinion.

My morning yoga session was The Dancing Sun Sequence from Namaste Yoga. This sequence combined standing poses with focus on Warrior II (Virabhadrasana II), Extended Triangle (Utthita Trikonasana), Revolved Triangle (Parivrtta Trikonasana) and Warrior 1 (Virabhadrasana I) to stimulate energy flow.

I practiced Kundalini Yoga Meditation this afternoon focusing on the Fifth Chakra (Vishuddha) which is located in the throat. The core need of the Throat Chakra is to find your voice and speak your truth. I thought it would benefit today's intent to locate my truth about my habits and help me find more creative ways to engage in more positive ones.

Love and Light.

My Daily Cup of Solitude (Day 3)

2010-08-05T11:49:00.000-04:00

My intent for today is to close my eyes, breathe deeply and think positive, loving thoughts.

My inspiration came from the Four Sublime Abodes, Loving-kindness (metta), Compassion (karuna), Sympathetic Joy (mudita) and Equanimity (upekkha). These four attitudes are the ideal way of conduct towards all living beings (sattesu samma patipatti). They provide the answer to all situations arising from social contact. They are the great removers of tension, the great peace-makers in social conflict, and the great healers of wounds suffered in the struggle of existence.

I posted the Universal Love Prayer from the Metta Sutta on Chasing My Bliss in the spirit of the Four Sublime Abodes.

My morning yoga session was from Namaste Yoga and focused on Crane Pose (Bakasana); which although challenging, happens to be one of my favorites. The sequence that was put together leading up to and out of Crane was beautiful. After I completed the session, I played it over to just watch the "dance."

Today I meditated for 30 minutes on Loving Kindness (Metta) an unconditional, inclusive love, a love with wisdom. It has no conditions; it does not depend on whether one "deserves" it or not; it is not restricted to friends and family; it extends out to include all living being with no expectations of anything in return.

I began with loving myself (without a measure of this unconditional love and acceptance for ones self, it is difficult to extend it to others), then I included those who are special to me and finished with all living things. This meditation session has uplifted my spirits and has kept me journaling all day.

It has been a wonderful day filled with love and light. Namaste.

My Daily Cup of Solitude (Day 2)

2010-08-04T11:46:00.001-04:00

My intent for today is to honor my Nana's birthday by keeping her memories alive.

My inspiration for today came from the memories of my Nana. My Nana was an old soul, a kindred spirit, very in tune with the earth and very wise about the world. She taught me about life by showing me how to embrace nature. Today, would have been her 93rd birthday. I shared a few stories about how I know her spirit is still with me at Chasing My Bliss. She truly was an amazing woman who inspired all that she met.

Today to honor my Nana, I meditated for 20 minutes on Love. I started the meditation focusing on unconditional universal love, then visualized a fountain of love within my heart, pouring forth healing waters to nurture and support myself on this day of remembrance. Then I focused on self love and forgiveness of myself and others for all pains caused so I can heal. Finally I sent love to all those that I appreciate and reflected on the significance and meaning of love; in its origin, its expression, its qualities and its goal.

Happy Birthday, Nana. I miss you with all of my being with love and light until we meet again.

Namaste.

My Daily Cup of Solitude (Day 1)

2010-08-03T11:40:00.001-04:00

My intent for today is to choose love, joy and freedom, open my heart and allow wonderful things to flow into my life.

My inspiration came from the Divine Mother Prayer Dance. When praying to Divine Mother, this prayer dance is a powerful expression of devotion. You are using your body, mind, breath and heart; all in a harmony of celebration. Every aspect of that is a gift from Divine Mother, and when you show Her this prayer dance, She receives not only the gift of your prayer, but the understanding that you value these wonderful gifts. I posted it on Chasing My Bliss.

My morning yoga session was from Namaste Yoga and focused on the Warrior Poses. The three warrior poses commemorate the ideal that we as practitioners are the “spiritual warrior,” who bravely battle with the universal enemy, self-ignorance (avidya), the ultimate source of all our suffering. Behind each asana is a story, the story behind warrior pose can be found here.

My afternoon meditation was a traditional sit-down style to Delerium's Lumenis; a beautiful piece that worked perfectly to keep me focused while my children played in the other room. This song can be listened to here. Isabel Bayrakdarian has a beautiful voice that captures the moment and helps settle you into the right frame of mind.

Namaste.

Halfway through the Shred!!

2010-04-14T19:41:00.000-04:00

I meant to make a post 2 days ago, when I completed Day 15 of the shred but life sometimes doesn't leave us time.

Lets start with the progress:

Weight: (Day 1) 130 lbs (Day 15) 126 lbs

Waist: (Day 1) 30 inches (Day 15) 27.75 inches

Hips: (Day 1) 35 inches (Day 15) 34.5 inches

Thighs : (Day 1) 21 inches (Day 15) 20.5 inches

Bust: (Day 1) 36 inches (Day 15) 32 inches

I am seeing a lot of progress with the shred and I am happy that I have stayed with it. At times it is difficult, especially on the knees and joints but with enough persistence you do see results. I am looking forward to seeing what others changes come during the last 15 days.

I also want to point out how amazing it is to see my body transform. Growing up, I never had a waist. I was built like a green bean, tiny and straight. Since having kids, I never realized the figure it has given me. My waist is now tiny with fuller hips and an hour glass figure that I can't wait to see at its best. I really need to thank my boys, they changed my body for the better!!

During the first week, I continued to eat like I normally do but I was tracking my intake on sparkpeople.com and seeing where my troubles came in. During the second week, I started correcting some of the problem areas with my eating style. I seem to have a hard time getting enough protein, fiber, iron and calcium. I am still adjusting and looking for ways to increase them. I also had to raise my calorie intake from 1200-1550 up to 1490-1840 to adjust with the calories I am burning. Not an easy feat when I don't usually consume many calories. One good thing is that it is forcing me to now eat breakfast. A meal I usually skip.

I did injure my ankle on Day 14 doing jumping jacks and pushed through Day 15. The following day I did take a break from the shred to give my ankle time to heal. Yesterday I started back up and although I thought my ankle was healed, the jumping jacks once again triggered the pain in my ankle. I will be modifying the rest of the shred to avoid more injury to my ankle.

I have also added some more to my workout days.

7 minutes of Tai Chi in the morning to stretch through the sore muscles and relax my body, mind and spirit.

30 minutes of Yoga with my boys to help teach them the practice.

20 minutes of Pilates to stretch my body and help tone my muscles.

and of course the 27 minutes of The Shred followed by a longer Stretch.

I will update again in 4 days when I move over to Level 3.

New Beginnings...with Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred

2010-04-07T20:03:00.000-04:00

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.”

I turned 30 last May and found myself in a depression coma from March of last year. It was a strong battle of growing up and noting that I didn't achieve as much as I wanted and/or planned before I turned 30. I thought the depression would dissipate after the big 3-0 came and although it did, I started slacking on my health. I figured, I had 3 kids, so what did it matter what I looked like? This worked for me.

Then in February I received the results to my physical and was told I had high cholesterol. Well if that didn't put me in enough of a funk, realizing that my 30 year young self had issues with cholesterol, what else could go wrong? So I started thinking about working out. Yup, thinking about it. I even became motivated enough to WATCH fitness videos and root for the women breaking a sweat, while I sat comfy on my couch, reading and pigging out.

I let my body fall apart, taking my emotional well being with it... up until 12 days ago when I looked in the mirror and said, "Mandy, what the hell are you doing to yourself?" What message am I sending my children??

So, I took out the scale and measuring tape and recorded what I was embarrassed to share with anyone.

My weight: 130 lbs (Still safe BMI for my 5'3 stature, but kind of
round in the belly area of my tiny frame)
Waist: 30 inches
Hips: 35 inches (Boy, you might as well roll me with my hips and waist
being so close)
Thighs: 20 inches
Bust: 36 inches

Just looking at those numbers made me nauseous. I needed to do something, quick!!

So, I started Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred on March 28, 2010.

The Shred is 30 days of circuit training divided by 3 levels. Each level is done for 10 days.

The first night on the shred, my kids started acting up when I was 15 minutes into it and panting like I was near death. I paused it to tell them to go back to bed and could not turn it back on. I felt sick to my
stomach and felt like the life was beaten out of me.

The next day, I ached!! I ached so much and went searching for information on how the shred works. (I didn't know then that this was a mini boot camp) I wanted to give up -- ON DAY 2!!! But, I sucked it
up and did my workout, this time completing all the way through. It became easier every day and I started looking forward to it and the 27 minutes of sweat. I started adding in Tai Chi and Yoga, as well as some walks with the kids to help loosen my sore muscles and gain more fitness minutes.
I did take a break from the workout the two days before Easter since I had to prepare but I didn't stop working out. I refused to become inactive. I still tracked plenty of fitness minutes and calories burned to make up for the missing shred exercise.

Last night, April 6 2010, I completed Day 10 of Level 1. I have already noticed decent results not only in measurements but in sleep quality as well as all over mental health.

I have not checked my weight since but I have checked my measurements.

My waist is NOW: 28 inches (lost 2 inches!!)
My hips are NOW: 34 inches (lost 1 inch!)
My thighs are NOW: 19-3/4 inch (1/4 of an inch...but still improvement)
My bust is NOW: 34 inches (back to normal!!)

I'm getting there and all this in 12 days...Technically, 10 days of the shred. I'm sure to hit my goals by the end of 30 days.

Now it's time to start, Level 2 . Right after, I put my boys to bed. Night All!!

Alex Photo Shoot

2010-02-16T22:16:00.000-05:00

Did a photo shoot with Alex today for fun and just wanted to share a few of my favorites. He is such a ham and so fun to take pictures of. Enjoy!! If you would like to view all of the photos, check out the album at http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=0AcMmLNuzaM2Tpw. Would love to hear your feedback. =)

Child Study Team is just code for "We Pretend to Care"

2009-12-10T21:47:00.001-05:00

I am frustrated. Actually, frustrated is an understatement. My son is in the first grade and has a learning disability, ADD, Anxiety and possible ODD.
Last April I requested that the CST reevaluate my son for his psych evaluation and IQ test because his first results came back inconclusive because he refused to participate.
The teacher wanted to hold him back in Kindergarten because of behavior concerns and the CST refused to give me anything more than a BASC test. The BASC test was enough for the pediatrician to confirm ADHD and start medicating my son this past August. He is now in the first grade (Thank you IEP for allowing me to decide whether to retain my child) and he started having problems with short term memory loss and a rocking tic. I took him to a neurologist who told me it was ADD not ADHD what we thought was hyper is actually anxiety. To confirm he wants my son to have a psych evaluation and IQ test.
I contacted the CST and they are trying to tell me that they don't have to give him one because he isn't showing these outbursts in school. Of course he isn't!! He's MEDICATED during the day. If I took him off the meds, they would see. Plus I have last years reports from the teachers and the request from the neurologist. According to IDEA, the CST must reevaluate upon parental request. Why are they giving me a hard time?
I am tired of jumping through hoops to get my son the services he needs to be the most he can be. Having a disability is hard enough. Having one that can't be treated because the school refuses to cooperate is bull****! Anyone have any advice, gone through something similar, etc... Please send some guidance my way. Thank you! =)

The Real ME...

2009-10-23T23:28:00.000-04:00

I wasn't the best daughter.

I wasn't a good friend.

I wasn't always a loyal girlfriend.

I was the girl that others liked to talk about but not say nice things.

I was the daughter parents wondered about where they went wrong.

I was the girlfriend that would do things for boyfriends so that they could never get too close emotionally/mentally.

I was the girl that hid under masks and facades looking for answers and hiding the real me under layers not allowing others to get close.

I was a girl looking for answers to life's most challenging questions while dumbing down for the outside world.

Shit, I was seen as the ditzy girl that always smiled, laughed and knew how to "party like a rock star." I would do foolish things and just live in the moment.....but not really live as ME. Well, I guess it was me, just....Fake!

I did many things to disappoint my parents. Drugs, parties, cutting school --hell I didn't even show up for college and I was there on scholarships, -- abusive boyfriends... I did a lot and I put my parents through a LIVING HELL.

It took me years to realize who I was. YEARS!! My parents tried everything with me. I used to swear they hated me. They could never understand how their "Smart Beautiful Daughter" could do these types of things and/or hang out with this crowd or be with this person.

How do you tell anyone when you can't even admit to yourself that you are afraid of what people will see you as if you showed them the real you. I did it once. My first true boyfriend, Mike. We had an extremely intense relationship. I don't mean sexual in any way. We were very very deep. We got each other. I was 16 years old (he was 18) and I had someone to share these deep conversations about everything from spirituality, the arts, philosophy to....pink elephants jumping over the moon. It was something anyone could wish for....who wasn't a teenager. We broke up because our relationship was too mature for us.

So what did I do? I built a wall. Being dumb seemed so easy! Mixing with the wrong crowds and having foolish relationships and partying just seemed like the way to get by. Since obviously my way didn't work.

Well, things got out of hand as they often do. I ended up with abusive relationship after abusive relationship. The last one the worst and it made my parents realize there was something wrong with me. They "forced" me to go to a mental hospital for a few days to see what could possibly be making me go through this.

I had the perfect home life. My sister and I were extremely close. My mother and I are exceptionally close. My dad and I had a decent relationship although (at the time) I only thought of him as a disciplinary.

Back to the story, I went in and was very angry with my parents for "making" me go through this. The anger built up from years of not knowing who the hell I was.

After this incident I started looking for myself for the first time since I was 16. Mike and I were still friends and we would discuss these things and it made me feel great to be this person again.

I would sit and talk to my Nana and she always told me to not regret my actions. Learn from them. So that's what I did. I LEARNED from them. I GREW from them. Most importantly, I now UNDERSTAND why I went through these things.

Psychiatrists told me it was a way to fill the void between my father and I. That since I wanted to be a Daddy's girl I would act out because it was the only attention I got. I believed it for years.... until I figured it out on my own.

I wasn't trying to fill any void with a relationship with anyone other than myself. I did these things because I hated the persona I was living. I never allowed people to get to know the real me. Only one person did....and I hated that I was shy/embarrassed call it whatever you would like.....

I wanted the world to see me for MORE than what I put out there.

When I had my oldest son, I changed my way of life even more and have really had a lot of personal growth. Due to cafemom and goodreads, I have made friends that I probably would have never had the guts too in real life.

Yes, I was a troubled girl but it was all a way to find myself. I'm okay with that. It's my past. It has strengthened my character. It makes me look at things in a way I never thought I could. I look at my children and sometimes I could see them slipping into what they think others want them to be and I try my hardest to let them be free of this.

My mother used to cry and wonder what she did wrong. How did she fail me. I always told her it wasn't her fault. She raised me with the best of morals. She taught me the difference between right and wrong. She was the ideal mother. The mother that I wanted to be. It took years for her to realize she didn't fail me. To see that I ended up on the path that she willed for me. I just hit a few paths where I took the scenic route and forgot about the mission at hand. It feels good to have her respect and admiration. It makes me feel wonderful that my parents admire my parenting. I'm in awe that they no longer refer to me as "the bad one." They look at me now and they see the real me. The me that I hid for over 10 years on a journey where all I was trying to do...was escape myself.

Life isn't easy. No one can say it is. But, I can offer one piece of advice as my Nana did for me.

Her's ~Live life without regrets.

I will add to hers ~ Don't make life more difficult by denying others your true identity. Love yourself and share who you really are. Those who should be in your life will embrace you with open arms and those that don't...you will see were never meant to be there in the first place. When you do this, life is beautiful! Just like mine is today. Despite the drama and heartache, I am happy because I am living it, being true to myself.

Miss You Nana

2009-10-08T09:07:00.002-04:00

"If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever." ~ Alfred Lord Tennyson

It's been six years and it still hurts as if it was yesterday. You are in my thoughts and you live on through our memories. You will always be my favorite four leaf clover. I love you, Nana.

Another Voice That Needs to be Heard -- October is also Down Syndrome Awareness Month

2009-10-07T10:39:00.000-04:00

Down syndrome (DS), also called Trisomy 21, is a condition in which extra genetic material causes delays in the way a child develops, both mentally and physically. It affects about 1 in every 800 babies.

The physical features and medical problems associated with Down syndrome can vary widely from child to child. While some kids with DS need a lot of medical attention, others lead healthy lives.

Though Down syndrome can't be prevented, it can be detected before a child is born. The health problems that can go along with DS can be treated, and there are many resources within communities to help kids and their families who are living with the condition.

About Down Syndrome

Normally, at the time of conception a baby inherits genetic information from its parents in the form of 46 chromosomes: 23 from the mother and 23 from the father. In most cases of Down syndrome, a child gets an extra chromosome 21 — for a total of 47 chromosomes instead of 46. It's this extra genetic material that causes the physical features and developmental delays associated with DS.

Although no one knows for sure why DS occurs and there's no way to prevent the chromosomal error that causes it, scientists do know that women age 35 and older have a significantly higher risk of having a child with the condition. At age 30, for example, a woman has about a 1 in 900 chance of conceiving a child with DS. Those odds increase to about 1 in 350 by age 35. By 40 the risk rises to about 1 in 100.

How Down Syndrome Affects Kids

Kids with Down syndrome tend to share certain physical features such as a flat facial profile, an upward slant to the eyes, small ears, and a large or protruding tongue.

Low muscle tone (called hypotonia) is also characteristic of children with DS, and babies in particular may seem especially "floppy." Though this can and often does improve over time, most children with DS typically reach developmental milestones — like sitting up, crawling, and walking — later than other kids.

At birth, kids with DS are usually of average size, but they tend to grow at a slower rate and remain smaller than their peers. For infants, low muscle tone may contribute to sucking and feeding problems, as well as constipation and other digestive issues. Toddlers and older kids may have delays in speech and self-care skills like feeding, dressing, and toilet teaching.

Down syndrome affects kids' ability to learn in different ways, but most have mild to moderate intellectual impairment. Kids with DS can and do learn, and are capable of developing skills throughout their lives. They simply reach goals at a different pace — which is why it's important not to compare a child with DS against typically developing siblings or even other children with the condition.

Kids with DS have a wide range of abilities, and there's no way to tell at birth what they will be capable of as they grow up.

Medical Problems Associated With DS

While some kids with DS have no significant health problems, others may experience a host of medical issues that require extra care. For example, almost half of all children born with DS will have a congenital heart defect.

Kids with Down syndrome are also at an increased risk of developing pulmonary hypertension, a serious condition that can lead to irreversible damage to the lungs. All infants with Down syndrome should be evaluated by a pediatric cardiologist.

Approximately half of all kids with DS also have problems with hearing and vision. Hearing loss can be related to fluid buildup in the inner ear or to structural problems of the ear itself. Vision problems commonly include amblyopia (lazy eye), near- or farsightedness, and an increased risk of cataracts. Regular evaluations by an audiologist and an ophthalmologist are necessary to detect and correct any problems before they affect language and learning skills.

Other medical conditions that may occur more frequently in kids with DS include thyroid problems, intestinal abnormalities, seizure disorders, respiratory problems, obesity, an increased susceptibility to infection, and a higher risk of childhood leukemia. Upper neck abnormalities are sometimes found and should be evaluated by a physician (these can be detected by cervical spine X-rays). Fortunately, many of these conditions are treatable.

Prenatal Screening and Diagnosis

Two types of prenatal tests are used to detect Down syndrome in a fetus: screening tests and diagnostic tests. Screening tests estimate the risk that a fetus has DS; diagnostic tests can tell whether the fetus actually has the condition.

Screening tests are cost-effective and easy to perform. But because they can't give a definitive answer as to whether a baby has DS, these tests are used to help parents decide whether to have more diagnostic tests.

Diagnostic tests are about 99% accurate in detecting Down syndrome and other chromosomal abnormalities. However, because they're performed inside the uterus, they are associated with a risk of miscarriage and other complications.

For this reason, invasive diagnostic testing previously was generally recommended only for women age 35 or older, those with a family history of genetic defects, or those who've had an abnormal result on a screening test.

However, the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology (ACOG) now recommends that all pregnant women be offered screening with the option for invasive diagnostic testing for Down syndrome, regardless of age.

If you're unsure about which test, if any, is right for you, your doctor or a genetic counselor can help you sort through the pros and cons of each.

Screening tests include:

Nuchal translucency testing. This test, performed between 11 and 14 weeks of pregnancy, uses ultrasound to measure the clear space in the folds of tissue behind a developing baby's neck. (Babies with DS and other chromosomal abnormalities tend to accumulate fluid there, making the space appear larger.) This measurement, taken together with the mother's age and the baby's gestational age, can be used to calculate the odds that the baby has DS. Nuchal translucency testing is usually performed along with a maternal blood test.
The triple screen or quadruple screen (also called the multiple marker test). These tests measure the quantities of normal substances in the mother's blood. As the names imply, triple screen tests for three markers and quadruple screen includes one additional marker and is more accurate. These tests are typically offered between 15 and 18 weeks of pregnancy.
Integrated screen. This uses results from first trimester screening tests (with or without nuchal translucency) and blood tests with second trimester quad screen to come up with the most accurate screening results.
A genetic ultrasound. A detailed ultrasound is often performed at 18 to 20 weeks in conjunction with the blood tests, and it checks the fetus for some of the physical traits abnormalities associated with Down syndrome.

Diagnostic tests include:

Chorionic villus sampling (CVS). CVS involves taking a tiny sample of the placenta, either through the cervix or through a needle inserted in the abdomen. The advantage of this test is that it can be performed during the first trimester, between 8 and 12 weeks. The disadvantage is that it carries a slightly greater risk of miscarriage as compared with amniocentesis and has other complications.
Amniocentesis. This test, performed between 15 and 20 weeks of pregnancy, involves the removal of a small amount of amniotic fluid through a needle inserted in the abdomen. The cells can then be analyzed for the presence of chromosomal abnormalities. Amniocentesis carries a small risk of complications, such as preterm labor and miscarriage.
Percutaneous umbilical blood sampling (PUBS). Usually performed after 20 weeks, this test uses a needle to retrieve a small sample of blood from the umbilical cord. It carries risks similar to those associated with amniocentesis.

After a baby is born, if the doctor suspects DS based on the infant's physical characteristics, a karyotype — a blood or tissue sample stained to show chromosomes grouped by size, number, and shape — can be performed to verify the diagnosis.

Getting Help

If you're the parent of a child diagnosed with Down syndrome, you may at first feel overwhelmed by feelings of loss, guilt, and fear. Talking with other parents of kids with DS may help you deal with the initial shock and grief and find ways to look toward the future. Many parents find that learning as much as they can about DS helps alleviate some of their fears.

Experts recommend enrolling kids with Down syndrome in early-intervention services as soon as possible. Physical, occupational, and speech therapists and early-childhood educators can work with your child to encourage and accelerate development.

Many states provide free early-intervention services to kids with disabilities from birth to age 3, so check with your doctor or a social worker to learn what resources are available in your area.

Once your child is 3 years old, he or she is guaranteed educational services under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). Under IDEA, local school districts must provide "a free appropriate education in the least restrictive environment" and an individualized education plan (IEP) for each child.

Where to send your child to school can be a difficult decision. Some kids with Down syndrome have needs that are best met in a specialized program, while many others do well attending neighborhood schools alongside peers who don't have DS. Studies have shown that this type of situation, known as inclusion, is beneficial for both the child with DS as well as the other kids.

Your school district's child study team can work with you to determine what's best for your child, but remember, any decisions can and should involve your input, as you are your child's best advocate.

Today, many kids with Down syndrome go to school and enjoy many of the same activities as other kids their age. A few go on to college. Many transition to semi-independent living. Still others continue to live at home but are able to hold jobs, thus finding their own success in the community.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month -- Learn the facts

2009-10-06T10:15:00.003-04:00

Domestic Violence and Abuse

Warning Signs and Symptoms of Abusive Relationships

If you think your spouse or partner is abusive, or you suspect that someone you know is in an abusive relationship, review the red flags and other information on domestic abuse and violence covered in this article. Not all abuse involves physical threat; emotional abuse can also leave deep and lasting scars. Recognizing the warning signs and symptoms of spousal abuse is the first step, but taking action is the most important step in breaking free.

Domestic violence and abuse

Special note:

Stressful economic times trigger more instances of spousal abuse. To learn about reducing stress in your relationship, see Managing Relationship Stress

Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” He or she uses fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and gain complete power over you. He or she may threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence.

Victims of domestic abuse or domestic violence may be men or women, although women are more commonly victimized. (Note:this article will use the pronoun “he” for convenience only) This abuse happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. Except for the gender difference, domestic abuse doesn’t discriminate. It happens within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and financial levels. The abuse may occur during a relationship, while the couple is breaking up, or after the relationship has ended.

Despite what many people believe, domestic violence is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his behavior. In fact, violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to take control over his wife or partner.

Violent Behavior is an Abuser's Choice

Reasons we know an abuser's behaviors are not about anger and rage:

He does not batter other individuals - the boss who does not give him time off or the gas station attendant that spills gas down the side of his car. He waits until there are no witnesses and abuses the person he says he loves.
If you ask an abused woman, "can he stop when the phone rings or the police come to the door?" She will say "yes". Most often when the police show up, he is looking calm, cool and collected and she is the one who may look hysterical. If he were truly "out of control" he would not be able to stop himself when it is to his advantage to do so.
The abuser very often escalates from pushing and shoving to hitting in places where the bruises and marks will not show. If he were "out of control" or "in a rage" he would not be able to direct or limit where his kicks or punches land.

Source: Mid-Valley Women's Crisis Service

Spousal abuse and battery are used for one purpose: to gain and maintain total control over the victim. In addition to physical violence, abusers use the following tactics to exert power over their wives or partners:

Dominance — Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship. They will make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child, or even as his possession.
Humiliation — An abuser will do everything he can to make you feel bad about yourself, or defective in some way. After all, if you believe you're worthless and that no one else will want you, you're less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless.
Isolation — In order to increase your dependence on him, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. He may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone. Source: Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, MN
Threats — Abusers commonly use threats to keep their victims from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets. He may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services.
Intimidation — Your abuser may use a variety of intimation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display. The clear message is that if you don't obey, there will be violent consequences.
Denial and blame — Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. Your abuser may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. He will commonly shift the responsibility onto you: Somehow, his violence and abuse is your fault.

If you feel you are in physical danger immediately call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-787-3224.

Cycle of violence

Domestic abuse falls into a common pattern, or cycle of violence:

Abuse — The abuser lashes out with aggressive or violent behavior. The abuse is a power play designed to show the victim "who is boss."
Guilt — After the abusive episode, the abuser feels guilt, but not over what he's done to the victim. The guilt is over the possibility of being caught and facing consequences.
Rationalization or excuses — The abuser rationalizes what he's done. He may come up with a string of excuses or blame the victim for his own abusive behavior—anything to shift responsibility from himself.
"Normal" behavior — The abuser does everything he can to regain control and keep the victim in the relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the abuser has really changed this time.
Fantasy and planning — The abuser begins to fantasize about abusing his victim again, spending a lot of time thinking about what she's done wrong and how he'll make her pay. Then he makes a plan for turning the fantasy of abuse into reality.
Set-up — The abuser sets up the victim and puts his plan in motion, creating a situation where he can justify abusing her.

The Full Cycle of Domestic Violence

A man abuses his partner. After he hits her, he experiences self-directed guilt. He says, "I'm sorry for hurting you." What he does not say is, "Because I might get caught." He then rationalizes his behavior by saying that his partner is having an affair with someone. He tells her "If you weren't such a worthless whore I wouldn't have to hit you." He then acts contrite, reassuring her that he will not hurt her again. He then fantasizes and reflects on past abuse and how he will hurt her again. He plans on telling her to go to the store to get some groceries. What he withholds from her is that she has a certain amount of time to do the shopping. When she is held up in traffic and is a few minutes late, he feels completely justified in assaulting her because "you're having an affair with the store clerk." He has just set her up.

Source: Mid-Valley Women's Crisis Service

Your abuser’s apologies and loving gestures in between the episodes of abuse can make it difficult to leave. He may make you believe that you are the only person who can help him, that things will be different this time, and that he truly loves you. However, the dangers of staying are real.

Domestic abuse often escalates from threats and verbal abuse to physical violence and even murder. And while physical injury may be the most obvious danger, the emotional and psychological consequences of domestic abuse are also severe. No one deserves this kind of pain—and your first step to breaking free is recognizing that your situation is abusive. Once you acknowledge the reality of the abusive situation, then you can get the help you need.

Signs of an abusive relationship

There are many signs of an abusive relationship. The most significant sign is fear of your partner. Other signs include a partner who belittles you or tries to control you, and feelings of self-loathing, helplessness, and desperation.

To determine whether your relationship is abusive, answer the questions in the table below. The more “yes” answers, the more likely it is that you’re in an abusive relationship.

SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings	Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior
Do you: feel afraid of your partner much of the time? avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner? feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner? believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated? wonder if you’re the one who is crazy? feel emotionally numb or helpless?	Does your partner: humiliate, criticize, or yell at you? treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see? ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments? blame you for his own abusive behavior? see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?
Your Partner’s Violent Behavior or Threats	Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior
Does your partner: have a bad and unpredictable temper? hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you? threaten to take your children away or harm them? threaten to commit suicide if you leave? force you to have sex? destroy your belongings?	Does your partner: act excessively jealous and possessive? control where you go or what you do? keep you from seeing your friends or family? limit your access to money, the phone, or the car? constantly check up on you?

Types of domestic violence and abuse

There are different types of domestic abuse, including emotional, physical, sexual, and economic abuse. Many abusers behave in ways that include more than one type of domestic abuse, and the boundaries between some of these behaviors may overlap.

Emotional or psychological abuse

Emotional or psychological abuse can be verbal or nonverbal. Its aim is to chip away at your feelings of self-worth and independence. If you’re the victim of emotional abuse, you may feel that there is no way out of the relationship, or that without your abusive partner you have nothing. Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behavior also fall under emotional abuse. Additionally, abusers who use emotional or psychological abuse often throw in threats of physical violence.

You may think that physical abuse is far worse than emotional abuse, since physical violence can send you to the hospital and leave you with scars. But, the scars of emotional abuse are very real, and they run deep. In fact, emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse—sometimes even more so. Furthermore, emotional abuse usually worsens over time, often escalating to physical battery.

Physical abuse

When people talk about domestic violence, they are often referring to the physical abuse of a spouse or intimate partner. Physical abuse is the use of physical force against someone in a way that injures or endangers that person. There’s a broad range of behaviors that come under the heading of physical abuse, including hitting, grabbing, choking, throwing things, and assault with a weapon.

Physical assault or battering is a crime, whether it occurs inside or outside of the family. The police have the power and authority to protect you from physical attack.

Sexual abuse

Sexual abuse is common in abusive relationships. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, between one-third and one-half of all battered women are raped by their partners at least once during their relationship. Any situation in which you are forced to participate in unwanted, unsafe, or degrading sexual activity is sexual abuse. Forced sex, even by a spouse or intimate partner with whom you also have consensual sex, is an act of aggression and violence. Furthermore, women whose partners abuse them physically and sexually are at a higher risk of being seriously injured or killed.

Economic or financial abuse

Remember, an abuser’s goal is to control you, and he will frequently hurt you to do that. In addition to hurting you emotionally and physically, an abusive partner may also hurt you in the pocketbook. Economic of financial abuse includes:

Controlling the finances.
Withholding money or credit cards.
Giving you an allowance.
Making you account for every penny you spend.
Stealing from you or taking your money.
Exploiting your assets for personal gain.
Withholding basic necessities (food, clothes, medications, shelter).
Preventing you from working or choosing your own career.
Sabotaging your job (making you miss work, calling constantly)

Domestic violence warning signs

Take Precautions

Call 911 or the police in your community if you suspect a case of domestic violence.

It's impossible to know with certainty what goes on behind closed doors, but there are some telltale signs and symptoms of domestic violence and abuse. If you witness a number of warning signs in a friend, family member, or co-worker, you can reasonably suspect domestic abuse.

Frequent injuries, with the excuse of “accidents”
Frequent and sudden absences from work or school
Frequent, harassing phone calls from the partner
Fear of the partner, references to the partner's anger
Personality changes (e.g. an outgoing woman becomes withdrawn)
Excessive fear of conflict
Submissive behavior, lack of assertiveness
Isolation from friends and family
Insufficient resources to live (money, credit cards, car) Domestic Violence and Abuse: Help, Treatment, Intervention, and Prevention
Depression, crying, low self-esteem

Reporting suspected domestic abuse is important. If you're afraid of getting involved, remember that the report is confidential and everything possible will be done to protect your privacy. You don’t have to give your name, and your suspicions will be investigated before anyone is taken into custody. Most important, you can protect the victim from further harm by calling for help.

Help, Treatment, Intervention, and Prevention

If you’re a victim of domestic violence or abuse, you may be afraid to seek help out of fear of you’re your partner would do if he found out. However, there are many things you can do to protect yourself when leaving. Start by creating a safety plan ahead of time, so you know exactly where to go and how to get away fast when your abuser attacks. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) for advice and help with your escape.

If you need help immediately, call 911.

Getting help for domestic abuse or violence

Domestic Violence: Where to Turn for Help

For emergency help: Call 911 if you are in immediate danger of domestic violence or have already been hurt.

For advice and support: Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE). Additional contacts for the hotline:

Help through email: ndvh@ndvh.org

Help for the hearing-impaired: 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) or deafhelp@ndvh.org

For a safe place to stay: Call your state’s branch of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence if you need a shelter from domestic violence. To find your state’s hotline number, go to the State Coalition List.

How can a woman safely leave an abusive relationship and protect herself from further abuse? Most women cannot simply leave their homes, their jobs, their children’s schools, their friends, and their relatives to escape their abuser. They depend upon police to enforce the law against physical abuse. Yet, police cannot act until a restraining order is violated or until some physical harm again befalls the woman.

If you are a victim of domestic violence, you may believe that it's easier to stay with your abuser than to try to leave and risk retaliation. However, there are many things you can do to protect yourself while getting out of an abusive situation, and there are people waiting to help.

Protecting yourself from domestic violence

If you live with someone who abuses you or if someone is stalking you, you need to take immediate measures to protect yourself. You’re in extra danger if your abuser or stalker talks about murder or suicide. You’re also in particular danger if you are thinking about leaving an abusive relationship.

Because of the risk of being seriously hurt or killed when leaving an abusive relationship, it’s important to develop a safe plan for departure. The National Doemstic Violence Hotline site provides Hotlines for help. People who are staffing the phones or answering email can advise you on how to protect yourself, refer you to other services and domestic violence shelters, and inform you about local laws and restraining orders.

If you’re still living with your abusive partner:

Domestic Violence Escape Kit

Pack a survival kit.
- Money for cab fare
- A change of clothes
- Extra house and car keys
- Birth certificates
- Driver’s license or passport
- Medications and copies of prescriptions
- Insurance information
- Checkbook
- Credit cards
- Legal documents such as separation agreements and protection orders
- Address books
- Valuable jewelry
- Papers that show jointly owned assets
Conceal it in the home or leave it with a trusted neighbor, friend, or relative. Important papers can also be left in a bank deposit box.

Source: U.S. Department of Agriculture, Domestic Violence Awareness Handbook
Know your abuser’s red flags. Be on alert for signs and clues that your abuser is getting upset and may explode in anger or violence. Come up with several believable reasons you can use to leave the house (both during the day and at night) if you sense trouble brewing.
Identify safe areas of the house. Know where to go if your abuser attacks or an argument starts. Avoid small, enclosed spaces without exits (such as closets or bathrooms) or rooms with weapons (such as the kitchen). If possible, head for a room with a phone and an outside door or window.
Be prepared to leave at a moment’s notice. Keep the car fueled up and facing the driveway exit, with the driver’s door unlocked. Hide a spare car key where you can get it quickly. Have emergency cash, clothing, and important phone numbers and documents stashed in a safe place (at a friend’s house, for example).
Practice escaping quickly and safely. Rehearse your escape plan so you know exactly what to do if under attack from your abuser. If you have children, have them practice the escape plan also.
Come up with a code word. Establish a word, phrase, or signal you can use to let your children, friends, neighbors, or co-workers know that you’re in danger and the police should be called.
Make and memorize a list of emergency contacts. Ask several trusted individuals if you can contact them if you need a ride, a place to stay, or help contacting the police. Memorize the numbers of your emergency contacts, local shelter, and domestic violence hotline.
Keep change and cash on you at all times. Know where the nearest public phone is located, and have change available so you can use it in an emergency situation to call for help. Also try to keep cash on hand for cab fare.

Additionally, to keep yourself safe from domestic abuse and violence you should document all abuse. If you’ve been injured, take photographs. If you have been abused in front of others, ask witnesses to write down what they saw. Finally, don’t hesitate to call the police if your abuser has hurt you or broken the law. Contact the police even if you just think your abuser might have broken a law. Assaulting you, stealing from you, and destroying your property are all crimes.

Protecting Your Children From Domestic Violence and Abuse

How to make your children safer:

Teach them not to get in the middle of a fight, even if they want to help.
Teach them how to get to safety, to call 911, to give your address and phone number to the police.
Teach them who to call for help.
Tell them to stay out of the kitchen.
Give school officials a copy of your court order; tell them not to release your children to anyone without talking to you first; use a password so they can be sure it is you on the phone; give them a photo of the abuser.
Make sure the children know who to tell at school if they see the abuser.
Make sure that the school knows not to give your address or phone number to anyone.

Source: American Bar Association

Leaving an abusive relationship safely

You may be afraid to leave out of fear that your partner will retaliate if they find out. However, there are precautions you can take to stay safe as you seek help.

Seeking help by phone

Protecting Yourself From Domestic Violence

Phone Safety Tips

When seeking help for domestic violence, call from a public pay phone or another phone outside the house, using one of the following payment methods:

A prepaid phone card
A friend’s telephone charge card
Coins
A collect call

When you seek help by phone, use a corded phone if possible, rather than a cordless phone or cell phone. A corded phone is more private, and less easy to tap.

Remember that if you use your own home phone or telephone charge card, the phone numbers that you call will be listed on the monthly bill that is sent to your home.

Even if you’ve already left by the time the bill arrives, your abuser may be able to track you down by the phone numbers you’ve called for help.

You can call 911 for free on most public phones, so know where the closest one is in case of emergency. Some domestic violence shelters offer free cell phones to battered women. Call your local hotline to find out more.

Seeking help online

If you seek help online, you are safest if you use a computer outside of your home. You can use a computer at a domestic violence shelter or agency, at work, at a friend’s house, at a library, or at a community center.

It is almost impossible to clear a computer of all evidence of the websites that you have visited, unless you know a lot about Internet browsers and about your own computer. Also be careful when sending email, as your abuser may know how to access your account. See the Women's law.org article on Internet Security for instructions for covering your online tracks and email history.

Breast Cancer Awareness -- The facts, the risks, early detection, self examination and the FIGHT!

2009-10-05T08:55:00.000-04:00

What is Breast Cancer?

Breast cancer is a disease in which malignant (cancer) cells form in the tissues of the breast. It is considered a heterogeneous disease—differing by individual, age group, and even the kinds of cells within the tumors themselves. Obviously no woman wants to receive this diagnosis, but hearing the words “breast cancer” doesn’t always mean an end. It can be the beginning of learning how to fight, getting the facts, and finding hope.

Women in the United States get breast cancer more than any other type of cancer except for skin cancer. It is second only to lung cancer as a cause of cancer death in women.

Each year it is estimated that nearly 200,000 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer and more than 40,000 will die. Approximately 1,700 men will also be diagnosed with breast cancer and 450 will die each year. The evaluation of men with breast masses is similar to that in women, including mammography.

An Early Breast Cancer Detection Plan should include:

Beginning at age 20: Performing breast self-exams and looking for any signs of change.
Age 20 to 39: Scheduling clinical breast exams every three years.
By the age of 40: Having a baseline mammogram and annual clinical breast exams.
Ages 40 to 49: Having a mammogram every one to two years depending on previous findings.
Ages 50 and older: Having a mammogram every year.
All Ages:

Common signs & symptoms of breast cancer include:

A change in how the breast or nipple feels
You may experience nipple tenderness or notice a lump or thickening in or near the breast or in the underarm area.
A change in how the breast or nipple looks
This could mean a change in the size or shape of the breast or a nipple that is turned slightly inward. In addition, the skin of the breast, areola or nipple may appear scaly, red or swollen or may have ridges or pitting that resembles the skin of an orange.
Nipple discharge

Risk factors for breast cancer include:

Age: Half of all women diagnosed are over age 65.
Weight: Being Obese or overweight.
Diet & Lifestyle: Lack of physical activity, a diet high in saturated fat, and alcoholic intake of more than two drinks per day.
Menstrual & Reproductive History: Early menstruation of late menopause, having your first child at an older age or not having given birth, or taking birth control pills for more than ten years if you are under 35.
Family & Personal History: A family history of breast cancer—particularly a mother or sister. or a personal history of breast cancer of benign (non-cancer) breast disease.
Medical & Other Factors: Dense breast tissue (often identified by a mammogram), past radiation therapy to the breast or chest area. a history of hormone treatments—such as estrogen and progesterone, or gene changes— including BRCA1. BRCA2, and others.

The Five Steps of a Breast Self Exam

Step 1: Begin by looking at your breasts in the mirror with your shoulders straight and your arms on your hips. Here's what you should look for: Breasts that are their usual size, shape, and color Breasts that are evenly shaped without visible distortion or swelling If you see any of the following changes, bring them to your doctor's attention: Dimpling, puckering, or bulging of the skin A nipple that has changed position or an inverted nipple (pushed inward instead of sticking out) Redness, soreness, rash, or swelling	Breast Self Exam - Step 1 Larger Version More diagrams
Step 2: Now, raise your arms and look for the same changes.	Breast Self Exam - Steps 2 and 3 Larger Version More diagrams
Step 3: While you're at the mirror, look for any signs of fluid coming out of one or both nipples (this could be a watery, milky, or yellow fluid or blood). Step 4: Next, feel your breasts while lying down, using your right hand to feel your left breast and then your left hand to feel your right breast. Use a firm, smooth touch with the first few finger pads of your hand, keeping the fingers flat and together. Use a circular motion, about the size of a quarter. Cover the entire breast from top to bottom, side to side — from your collarbone to the top of your abdomen, and from your armpit to your cleavage. Follow a pattern to be sure that you cover the whole breast. You can begin at the nipple, moving in larger and larger circles until you reach the outer edge of the breast. You can also move your fingers up and down vertically, in rows, as if you were mowing a lawn. This up-and-down approach seems to work best for most women. Be sure to feel all the tissue from the front to the back of your breasts: for the skin and tissue just beneath, use light pressure; use medium pressure for tissue in the middle of your breasts; use firm pressure for the deep tissue in the back. When you've reached the deep tissue, you should be able to feel down to your ribcage.	Breast Self Exam - Step 4 Larger Version More diagrams
Step 5: Finally, feel your breasts while you are standing or sitting. Many women find that the easiest way to feel their breasts is when their skin is wet and slippery, so they like to do this step in the shower. Cover your entire breast, using the same hand movements described in Step 4.	Breast Self Exam - Step 5 Larger Version More diagrams

Three Little Wise Monkeys

2009-08-14T09:12:00.002-04:00

See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil

Be as a Child

2009-08-03T17:35:00.000-04:00

While we try to teach our children all about life, Our children teach us what life is all about. ~Angela Schwindt

Children always inspire. They make you yearn for days gone by. The simpler times. The times of carefree joy and innocence. We miss it. We miss those times, but are they really out of reach or have we just forgotten how to enjoy them?.

As we grow older we begin looking towards the future. We begin living with goals that are slightly out of reach - college, careers, homes, children, retirement - It's a never ending cycle. Yet, when we look at children it causes a yearning.

Children are the greatest inspiration for mindfulness. They live in the moment with no thoughts of tomorrow. They enjoy the little things -- those simple pleasures that we take for granted. They let their natural curiosity and imagination take them where ever they want to go. They are free spirits in a closed-minded world. Something we as adults still harbor inside of us.

I could watch my boys for hours. They can sit and build "the largest tower in the world" with their blocks without thinking about what they will be doing later or what happened yesterday. When they fall and get a "boo-boo," they will act as if it's the most traumatic experience in the world as they sit there crying. The moment I place that band-aid on it and give it an "all better" kiss, it is forgotten and they move on as if nothing happened. It amazes me that these little creatures can live in the moment and just the moment. So innocent and carefree. Full of life.

What we yearn for from our childhoods isn't far out of our reach. If we let go of the woes of yesterday or the unknowns of tomorrow. If we let children inspire us -- let them remind us to live in the moment. Maybe then, we can enjoy the moment for what it's worth and most importantly, just live.

Where to Hide the Dust Bunnies?

2009-07-31T10:16:00.001-04:00

We labor to make a house a home, then every time we're expecting visitors, we rush to turn it back into a house. ~Robert Brault

Why is it that when friends and family come over we feel the need to clean up our homes more than normal? Would it be that uncomfortable for others to see how you really live? Knowing that things aren't always perfectly placed, that maybe you don't always wash the dished in the sink right after using them and the coffee table in the living room usually has fingerprints all over it. Would they not be friends with you anymore?

Tonight my husband invited another couple that we are friends with over for a movie and some good conversation. We used to get together at least once a month but now we haven't seen them since May. They are recently engaged and I am looking forward to talking wedding talk.

When hubby came in and asked me if it was okay last night, I took a look around at my home that is disheveled from moving and not to mention that the actual housework has taken a back seat to moving as well. I looked at him mortified. Of course I would host but I needed the reassurance that they knew that we are moving and our home is a mess.

Why? We will still have a good time regardless of the way my home looks. They aren't going to pass judgment or think I am a bad housewife or mother because the place is unkempt a week before our move. They know I have three little boys yet when they come over after they are in bed, there are no signs that they live here other than the pictures on the walls.

How much of ourselves do we really hide from others? I have never been the neatest of people in my everyday life. I let the dinner dishes sit until morning and I don't always wipe the boys toothpaste from the sink before bed. I hardly worry about the fingerprints on the coffee table because the second I am done dusting I know they are going to put them right back. Not to mention that I am lucky if I run the vacuum once a week because my youngest is petrified of it. And the way I dress? I rarely get out of my sweats and tanks, I never wear makeup when I am home and my hair is rarely blown straight. Normally it is up in a sloppy ponytail.

So why, when I know I have company coming I go into overdrive making sure nothing is out of place? It's as if a rush comes over me and I am racing the clock to make sure that everything is perfect including my appearance before they knock on the door? What if we had surprise visitors? Would I let them in? What would they think? Of course I would invite them in and apologize for the mess. I know they would understand with the knowledge that I have three small boys and a ton of work to do.

So why am I freaking out about tonight?!? No. I refuse to let this control me. I am going to take my time with my cleaning today. If I don't get everything done, so be it. I will make myself up and make sure the area where we will be hanging out is taken care of and be a good hostess as usual. But, I am not going to hide that I can't be organized during a move. It is impossible for me to do so and I don't need to feel more anxiety than this move has already given me.

The Key To Happiness

2009-07-30T09:33:00.005-04:00

"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet." ~James Openheim

Happiness. Is it a state of mind or a destination? Is it something that we can reach or that lives inside of us?

Bumps in the road of life are to be expected, so why do we allow them to control our happiness? Happiness lives inside of us. If we spend less time worrying about what the future holds or the current issue at hand, we won't lose sight of the moment. Satisfaction can only come from within when we truly accept ourselves, our lives, and our circumstances. Only then can we can truly enjoy what life has to offer.

Those simple pleasures that we don't take advantage of daily. The songs the bird sings outside your window. The smell of the flowers in the garden. The taste of snow on our tongues. The feel of the grass between your toes. Small talk with someone on line at Starbucks. These things that we normally don't put much thought into and just take them for face value.

Why not put more stock into them? These little things that bring us satisfaction. Make us happy and put a smile on our face. This is what life is all about. We only live in this one moment. If not just for today, lets not consume ourselves with our troubles and enjoy these moments and put most of our energy into being happy.

Moving On But Not Letting Go

2009-07-29T09:35:00.012-04:00

"It's surprising how much memory is built around things unnoticed at the time." ~Barbara Kingsolver

Little tics on the walls showing my boys how much they have grown over the past years. Pen and pencil marks outline their latest artwork even if they weren't supposed to write on them. Little fingerprints that have smudged after time and time of them holding on when learning how to walk or running down the halls. All of this being left behind in a week. Ready to be painted over in antique white. Erasing my children's memory so a new family can create their own.

Moving can be so difficult. The memories that you captured in a place are reason enough not to want to leave. Then theirs the actual packing. Picking and choosing the things that you will take with you. Leaving behind with those marks on the walls other material items that also hold some form of memory.

The crib that all three of my children slept in for 2 years of their live and has comforted my children where they enjoyed many good dreams will now be left behind. For Alex is no longer a baby and with this move, he will acquire a big boy bed. A new beginning for himself. The pack and play that has sat in my living room for 6 years will also not be coming with us. Now that Alex will have a big boy bed, he no longer will lay in there until he goes to sleep at night keeping my husband and myself company until he is fast asleep and moved to his crib. The baby clothes that started with my oldest 6 years ago and still have the smell of all three of them will now be donated for other little boys that are less fortunate than us. The toys that used to annoy me with how loud they were will also be donated leaving us with the quieter toys meant for older children.

I keep trying to think of how much nicer it will be to have a fresh start. My older two are excited because they will be getting bunk beds. Their room will be new and exciting. My little one will finally have a room he could play in. He will have a place to grow and learn. My husband and I will have a bedroom that we could go into and enjoy each others company without the clutter that we have acquired. No more disciplining the children for running on the floors so they don't upset the downstairs neighbors.

But what about the memories. Yes we carry them with us in our hearts but the daily reminders; the touch, the smells...these things we will be leaving behind. I feel I am letting go of my babies and have to accept that they are growing boys. I'm not sure I am ready to let them go. So, although I am going to be removing the crib, the play pen, the old clothes and the tic marks on the wall; I am also going to pack up their baby blankets, the ones that soothed them when they were babies. The hats they wore home from the hospital. I will take a picture of their growth chart and artwork on the walls. I am going to hold onto these things so when I feel the need to revisit this time, this home.... It will be in the new place waiting for me to remember.

Six Year Olds and Life Threats

2009-07-20T19:31:00.006-04:00

"It is not the cares of today, but the cares of tomorrow, that weigh a man down." ~George MacDonald

What do you do when you are sitting at the dinner table and your 6 year old tells you that another student stated that he was making plans to kill the whole class tomorrow? Would you take the threats seriously? Would you contact the school or police or would you take it lightly?

This happened to me today and I am still a bit unsure of how I feel. At first I wasn't sure if I should make my fears known to my son or if I should discuss it more with him or act like it was no big deal.

The child who made the threats honestly scares me. Last month at a class function he kept staring at my 2 year old and telling me I need to give him a spanking. He kept going on about it with this look in his eyes. Then he placed his hand over my sons and held his gaze. He then looked at me and told me if I wasn't going to reprimand him, someone had too.

What was my son doing to deserve this? Well being a normal 2 year old, he was play tapping his brothers and close friends. They were all laughing but this child didn't find it amusing. He then pushed in front of my tiny 2 year old and leaned in to take one of those hits to himself. When it happened he grabbed his arm and started squeezing it hard. I got his arm free and then my oldest got in his face and told him to stay away from his brothers. I separated this argument that wasn't looking like it was going in the right direction before the teacher even noticed what was going on. When the bell rang I quickly picked up my kids and got out of there. Then told my oldest that he could forget about me forcing him to invite said child to his birthday party. He was not allowed NEAR my children.

Back to today.

After sharing this information with my mother, I called the teacher at home and explained the situation. The teacher told me their was an altercation between this student and the rest of the class earlier today but it was taken care of. He wasn't aware that it escalated to this by the end of the day. He further informed me when I confided with him my past with this child and my fears, that their are 8 students in the class and 4 teachers so my son was safe to go to school tomorrow.

I'm just not sure how I feel about having this child in class with my son. I know a lot of 6 year olds play with words and show signs of rage and are completely harmless but I know their are a few that are dangerous. I have looked into this child's eyes. I see he has a very disturbed home. I see he has a lot of anger issues and I could see a child like this losing it.

Do I trust my child in the hands of another adult? Do I let fear control my life? I can't keep my children in bubbles. I can't raise them to fear society and life because their are a few bad eggs out there but when is it walking the fine line? I know my son will be okay tomorrow because the teacher will have a steady eye on this child. But what about next week or the following? What about in September after a month break when this child has not been around peers and may be going through more things that bring on more anger? Am I being over-protective? Am I looking into this too much? I want my children to be safe. They are my life and as their mother it is my duty to protect them. But how long do I let this fear harbor inside of me?

Branching Out

2009-07-19T19:33:00.004-04:00

Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best. ~Henry van Dyke

I decided it might be best if I separate my blog into three separate blogs. One for my book reviews, one for inspirational thoughts and musings and still keep this one for my reflections on life. I will be removing all the book reviews from here soon to keep it organized.

You can reach all of my blogs on the tops of all of the pages. They are all interconnected. I was thinking of doing a bio page as a starting ground but I haven't gone past the thinking stage yet.

I would love for all of you to continue following me here as well as the other two blogs. So, when you have a chance please check them out. I worked very hard on the layouts and afterthoughts and really just put a lot of time into them.

Simple Serenity ~ http://embracingsimpleserenity.blogspot.com/
Literary Life ~ http://onechickonlit.blogspot.com/

I hope you enjoy. =)

Memories of my Nana

2009-07-02T20:42:00.008-04:00

If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk in my garden forever." --Alfred Lord Tennyson

My Nana and I were very close. As you can tell from her picture she is Native American and Irish. (Not that you can see the Irish in her)Well she was very in tune with the earth and very wise about the world.She taught me things about life by watching nature. She had such an amazing soul. I know how to tell the weather by watching the leaves on trees or what the winter has in store for us by the tails of the squirrels among many other things.

I just felt the need to share a few stories about her today. She has been on my mind a lot and I just want to share a few things.

When I was younger, we used to pick four leaf clovers together and every time we found a feather she would stick it behind her ear.We would sit for hours in the backyard (even when I was a teenager) and pick literally 100’s of four leaf clovers. No one could understand how we always found them let alone so many. It was a memory I always cherished. I went to Woodstock, NY when I was pregnant with my oldest and they were selling necklaces with real four leaf clovers in them. I had to buy her one! I gave it to her and we sat and chatted for hours about them and our special tradition at every visit. After she passed away, I wore the necklace and oddly the four leaf clover disintegrated or something. I think she just took it with her.

My Nana, became ill in 2003 and I visited her almost daily in the hospital. I brought Mikey (her baby in the basket) to see her and I swear he brought her strength. She adored him so much. When she got better she had lost control of her bladder and she could not go home so they transferred her to a nursing home. My Nana was so against it. She begged my Mom to take her home and my mother told her not until she had control again. The problem was she couldn’t get it back. So she gave up. It went rather quickly. Every day she lost more and more. Her eyes started rolling and the rattle. That horrible rattle. I will never forget that sound. I continued to visit her daily and sat and cried and begged her to get better. My mom and dad told me I had to tell her to let go. I didn’t want to. I stayed selfish for a week. I finally built up the courage to tell her she could go. I didn’t want to be there when she passed away. I didn’t want to be in the room. My whole family came down that day. Everyone was saying goodbye and everyone stepped outside to smoke a cigarette. My mother, myself and I’m not really sure who else was in the room were all there when I finally told her it was okay. My mother sang Wind Beneath My Wings to her. I was squeezing her leg and my mother was holding her hand. She for the first time in 2 weeks made eye contact with my mother for a brief second. A tear rolled down her face and she squeezed my mothers hand lightly and that was it.

I was beside myself. I ran out hyperventilating and screaming. I called my friend Joey and was trying to make things clear in my mind and explain what had happened. All of a sudden, a dove circled above me and it grabbed my attention. I became completely silent and intrigued. Then a second one came and they circled each other and then they just flew off together. I sat there in silence. (Meanwhile Joey is freaking out because I haven’t said a word and cut off mid sentence) I finally told Joey, I was finally okay and I needed to hang up. I ended our conversation and had the greatest sense of peace. It was as if I had an out of body experience or meditated all day….the sense of peace was amazing. I went back into the nursing home gave my mother a hug and told her it was okay, that my Nana had found my Grandpa and she was at peace. It was the most amazing thing I ever experienced.

My Nana is always with me. She has ways of letting me know she is there. Every birthday, holiday, event….I always find a four leaf clover. She always lets me know she is with me. I have found them for my mother on her birthday and so on as well. This year I couldn't find any for a few months and I was getting really upset because I always find them. Two weeks ago I was sitting in front of my parents house and I found 5. I was so excited. There was one for my birthday, one for each of my boys birthdays, my anniversary and mothers day. On my way into the house to wrap them, I lost one. But I wasn't disappointed because I knew she was there for me. Last weekend, it was my boys birthday party and I found another one which I gave to my mother.

Another funny thing that reminds me she is watching over me is, three years ago for Mikey’s birthday when I was hanging up decorations in the back yard at my parent’s house, I found a feather. (Remember, she used to wear them in her hair?) I taped it to the chimney and told everyone that my Nana was there. Three years later and after many storms that have passed it still hung there until a week or two ago when my parents replaced the chimney. When my father was cleaning up the yard for Mikey and Alex’s party the following year he found a new feather on the ground right below it. My mother called me and told me my Nana left me another present. At the party, I proudly hung it up right below the one from the previous year. This year when cleaning up the yard for the party, I found yet another but didn't hang it since my parents just replaced the chimney. But I smiled and admired it for a little while.

No matter where she is, I know she is with me. I love sharing stories about her and admire the woman she once was. She will forever live on in my memory and in the stories I share with my boys.

Why I'm Proud to be a Mean Mom

2009-06-24T20:29:00.006-04:00

My post yesterday reminded me of an old email I received 2 years ago. I shared it on Cafemom as a journal entry thankfully and was able to retrieve it for a smile today. Now I know why the "Mean Mom" label didn't hurt so bad. I'm a proud "Mean Mom", are you?

MEAN MOM

Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will tell them, as my Mean Mom told me:

I loved you enough to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time you would be home.

I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover that your new best friend was a creep.

I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes.

I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment, and tears in my eyes. Children must learn that their parents aren't perfect.

I loved you enough to let you assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.

But most of all, I loved you enough to say NO when I knew you would hate me for it.

Those were the most difficult battles of all. I'm glad I won them, because in the end you won, too.

And someday when your children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them.

Was your Mom mean? I know mine was. We had the meanest mother in the whole world! While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast.

When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches.

And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was different from what other kids had, too.

Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we were convicts in a prison. She had to know who our friends were, and what we were doing with them. She insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less.

We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work. We had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie awake at night thinking of more things for us to do.

She always insisted on us telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time we were teenagers, she could read our minds and had eyes in the back of her head. Then, life was really tough!

Mother wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn when they drove up. They had to come up to the door so she could meet them.

While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we were 16.

Because of our mother we missed out on lots of things other kids experienced. None of us have ever been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's property or ever arrested for any crime.

It was all her fault.

Now that we have left home, we are all educated, honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean parents just like Mom was.

I think that is what's wrong with the world today.

It just doesn't have enough mean moms!

I AM the Meanest Mom in the World

2009-06-23T20:28:00.004-04:00

"If you have never been hated by your child you have never been a parent." ~Bette Davis

Thank you boys for my wonderful new title. I am very proud of it today. I have always had an issue with labels but this one I like. I especially enjoyed how you threw in a few "it's not fairs" and the "I hate yous" which I am growing more and more fond of.

Why am I a mean mom? What could I possibly do to earn me this title?!? I finally decided it was time that I stopped cleaning their room for them and asked them to do it themselves. That doesn't sound too harsh, right?

It was 9am and they had just finished eating breakfast. I was in a wonderful mood after a surprising phone call that my oldest would be the "King of Florham Park" in the Fourth of July Parade. The sun was shining and the skies were blue for the first time in months. A perfect day. So, I asked my kids to go clean their rooms so I could take them out. I planned on meeting with some friends and taking them on a fun day at the zoo.

At 9:01 am the complaining began. They didn't want to clean their room. It wasn't fair. I told them to go clean it quickly, it shouldn't take more than 15 minutes and then we would start our day. By 9:15 am I was screaming and hollering because they flat out refused. I was reluctant at first to take away the day outdoors because I too am suffering from cabin fever and tried once again to redirect them into their room.

By 9:30 am, my oldest so nicely came up to me and told me, "It's not fair that I have to clean my room because YOU are too lazy to do it." What?!?!?! Seriously?!?!? Goodbye my day outside. Goodbye my play date with the other moms. Goodbye blue skies.

When did I lose control of my kids? Did I ever really have any? I never ever would have spoken to my mother like this without being afraid of the consequences. I just don't understand where I went wrong. All I asked was that they cleaned their room. You want to know what time they finished? At 7:08 pm. How well did they do? Instead of the mess being on the floor in their room, it is now stuffed into the closet which you no longer can open.

I am so angry with them right now. They are uncontrollable. The worst part, they are only 6 and 3-1/2! What am I going to do when they are older? My oldest missed out on his friends birthday party this evening because of this which in return probably disappointed his friend. My middle child missed a day with his best friend which DID disappoint him because he was looking forward to a day at the zoo. My youngest son missed out on a play date, TV time (because the TV was turned off to redirect the boys) and going outside (not to mention tripping over the mess and taking a nose dive into the coffee table) because of his older brothers. Who in this is really punished? They could care less. They show no signs of regret or sorrow. They just don't seem to care. They were however, sure to let me know how little they think of me.

Today is one of those days that I should have listened to the good news I received first thing in the morning and then go back to sleep. New rule of thumb, if you wake up with the best news you could probably hear that day...the rest of the day is going to be crappy. Go back to bed and call it a day.

You Are My Sunshine

2009-06-21T11:32:00.001-04:00

"You brighten my life through storm and rain. Like a million stars shining...forever."

Happy 2nd Birthday to my peanut, Alex. You are and always will be my little ray of sunshine. Your smile and laugh are contagious, my love and you make every day a little bit brighter. Mommy love you now, always and forever. <3

To My First Love....

2009-06-20T22:23:00.003-04:00

"He has the spirit of the sun, the moods of the moon, the will of the wind."

Happy Birthday to the first boy who ever took my breath away. The first eyes I looked into so adoringly that I thought my heart would explode with all the admiration and love I felt. The true meaning of love at first sight. Happy 6th Birthday, Mikey. Mommy loves you more than you will ever know. You are and always will be my shining star!

Embracing my Body

2009-06-19T20:00:00.012-04:00

"Good for the body is the work of the body, good for the soul the work of the soul, and good for either the work of the other. ~Henry David Thoreau"

A fellow COL Girl, -- I love writing that. I'm not sure if it is because if you are from certain states you might pronounce it as "Call" Girl or not, but it utterly amuses me. Anyways, as I was saying; while reading through other COL Girls blogs this evening, I jumped onto one of my favorite Friday evening posts, Lizzi's, "It's Friday evening and this is what I'm thinking. Which if you don't frequent, is a weekly ponder of all kinds of things on her mind. It's very enjoyable to read and it usually makes me giggle or at least, puts a smile on my face.

Well, in her ponders tonight, she asked what we like about our body's before continuing with her personal favorite features. I'm not giving away any more of her blog entry, so go read it. I listed the link above and if you aren't following her, I recommend you do. She's a great writer!!

Anyways, back on topic. I have been hard on myself lately because for some reason or another since I hit 30 (probably more around 29-1/2 when I started realizing how close to 30 I really was) my metabolism just stopped. Not slowed, just stopped and I haven't been happy with my appearance. It seems to be taking on a new shape, one that I am not happily embracing.

But, this question (thanks, Lizzi!) really made me reflect and I finally realized what I DO love about my body.

I love my stomach. Yes, it is rounding out a bit and is in serious need of some toning; and although it does not have one stretch mark the skin has lost it's elasticity but none-the-less, for a good reason. For 27 months within a 5 year period, it was where I harbored my three boys. It's also what my boys like to lay on and once were so kind enough to tell me that it's because "it's as soft as a pillow." (If only they knew how many crunches I did that night after that loving term of endearment.) Every time I look down and am unhappy with the way it looks, I try to remind myself of those flutters and kicks I once felt. It usually makes me stand a bit taller, which in return makes my stomach look a lot nicer.

I love my hips. These new curves and hour glass figure that I now possess have become my boy's favorite resting spot when I pick them up. Something that once shocked me in the mirror has become so necessary in motherhood. During colicky hours, reassurance after a boo-boo and just when they are too tired to walk. These hips were created with my boys in mind.

I love my arms. Who knew that my skinny little arms could carry so much weight? They are getting a bit flabby now that the boys aren't in constant need of being carried around and they are losing their tone. But, they are once where I rocked my babies to sleep. And still today, what I wrap around my boys and embrace in a big bear hug. They carry enough strength to pull all three of my children away from danger and carry them off to safety but are delicate enough to make me feel feminine.

I love my smile. I may have big uneven teeth with a space between my front two (I know Mom, I should still where my retainer) and they may be a little yellow from the over-indulgence of Starbucks, but every time I smile I can feel my face glow. It makes me happy to watch my children grow and experience knew things. And it makes them proud to see me smiling back at them. It may not be the most perfect smile but it's enough to let my children know how much I love them.

I love my eyes. The dark circles underneath from years of lack of sleep are no match for the love that you can see when you look into them. I am a deep person and everything about me could be read through my big browns. They are youthful but aged. They are innocent but experienced. And you can always get sincere honesty by looking at them.

I love my nose. Did you read that? I LOVE my nose. My "Wicked Witch" nose that it was once labeled with the ugly bump that made me throughout my childhood hate to have someone look at my profile is now one of my favorite features. Wanna know why? Because, three little boys who will one day find their own self-proclaimed imperfections that they will one day complain about. One day they will find one part of their perfect bodies flawed and I will look at them adoringly and tell them why that part of them is perfect.

I may not have that teeny waist that I once had and my age may be starting to show along my eyes and mouth, but I am embracing my body and the years of experience that it is starting to show. It may have its imperfections and I am working on the ones that I can. The things I can't, I am finding aren't so bad after all. And the best part, in my children's eyes, I am a beautiful princess and my husband still looks at me the same way he did when we first met. What could be better than that?

Thank you boys, for this beautiful curvy body that you helped shape and my renewed self-respect and esteem.

Just for Today

2009-06-18T21:29:00.005-04:00

*Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play.

*Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.

*Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles.

*Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck and I will buy you one if he comes by.

*Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.

*Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you trying to fix them.

*Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys.

*Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you.

*Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.

*Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.

*Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favorite TV shows.

*Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.

*I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms, and mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore.

*And when I kiss you good night I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask Him for nothing, except one more day............

~ Author Unknown

Longing For Our Nights

2009-06-15T20:55:00.008-04:00

This weekend my oldest will be 6 and my youngest will be 2. I probably will be doing a lot of reflecting on my kids this week. To start out the week, I wanted to share a poem I wrote last year for all of them.

Longing For Our Nights

As you lay at night dreaming,
Peaceful and asleep.
I tiptoe to your bedside,
Quietly so you do not stir.

I bend down beside you,
And admire your angelic face.
I sit there for a moment,
Reflecting on our day.

These moments go by so quickly,
My days always seem fast paced.
I step over you to do things,
Sometimes ignore you call my name.

I leave to go to work at night,
Although I hear you scream.
But, at night when you are sleeping,
We share this little routine.

As you lay there dreaming,
I sit on the corner of your bed.
I rub your back, stroke your face,
And kiss your tender cheek.

I listen to you breathing,
and remind you that I love you.
I look forward to it each evening,
I await my time with you.

I’ll always cherish our special nights,
This quiet time we share.
I love you baby forever,
and always I’ll be there.

Inner Beauty

2009-06-13T20:46:00.005-04:00

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that
she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must
be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the
place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,
but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.

Sunshine and Rainbows =)

2009-06-12T20:56:00.008-04:00

"If you want to see the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain." ~ Dolly Parton

Today we saw the sun!!! It sounds silly, but it has been a while since the sun has shined here in Northern, NJ. We have become used to being stuck inside with nothing to do. But today, the sun listened to my children's pleading song (You may have heard it on Barney, "Oh, Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun, Please shine down on me...") and it broke through the clouds.

The boys were so excited this afternoon to put on their sneakers and stomp in puddles and take a walk. They ran, they played tag, they picked flowers and just had a blast.

This evening, after dinner we went out for another go at it. We took a nice family walk, watching the airplanes and just enjoying the fresh air and the great outdoors when Mikey discovered his first rainbow. He was extremely excited (and I just so happened to bring my camera along for the walk...just in case) and showed his brothers. Max was so happy that he started jumping up and down clapping his hand. (Alex looked at it but didn't really understand what the big deal was. LOL)

I showed the boys all the colors in the rainbow and Max was just in awe with it. (Remember, it's the little things in life) While Mikey, sat there a little disappointed. He has been searching for a rainbow for the last three years and he finally found one and he thought they would be brighter. More like the way he draws them in his pictures. I explained to him how rainbows are made and how the way the sun was reflecting it just wasn't a good angle to see it so brightly. He seemed happy with that and continued to stare in awe.

I love when my children receive these beautiful gifts from Mother Nature. I love how happy it makes them and I love that it is something that will stay with them forever. First rainbows, cloud watching, and constellations and the moon bring such joy to young children. We are still searching for their first four leaf clovers but I have a feeling we are coming close. More to come on that one soon. ;)

I am leaving you now with a video of my favorite version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Enjoy your weekend. =)

First "Little League" Pics

2009-06-11T21:37:00.009-04:00

"Take me out to the ball game..."

Well this is Mikey's first season of tee-ball and it has been a wash-out. He probably had 3 or 4 practices and 1 game. The season is ending in two weeks and judging from the forecast I think baseball is behind us for the year.

He didn't really enjoy the game as much as the time with his friends but at the ending he was starting to show more interest. Its disappointing that he couldn't get a full season in, he may have really grown to love it.

Well, today I received his pics in the mail and I just had to share them. I'm a little upset that the photographer had the kids facing the sun because Mikey is squinting pretty hard but it's still cute. I think it looks like he has "a look." LOL What do you think of my handsome boy and his amazing team. Aren't they an adorable bunch? I am such a proud Mama, not only of my son but of the whole team. They really did a great job for the few practices they had. Now let's just hope they can get a few more in and the sun will work with us the next two weeks.

His Magazine Cover

His Team Pic

Childhood Simplified

2009-06-10T10:28:00.002-04:00

"Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair." ~ Kahlil Gibran

A few weeks ago, my boys discovered the fine art of cloud watching. It was a beautiful day so I decided to take them to the park to run around and get out there energy. They did for a bit and then finally went and settled at the gazebo in the corner of the park.

I went and joined them and they lay down so I joined them and my oldest started pointing things out in the clouds. I got quite a giggle watching them use their imaginations to find things in the sky. Granted, it was only a five minute (if even) ordeal but it was enough to bring me right back to my childhood.

The older two became bored quickly and ventured out to the playground to chase more pirates and me and my little man (who will be 2 in a few weeks) continued to lay there and watch the clouds. I pointed out things I saw and then a plane crossed overhead and that rose his curiosity even more.

Sometimes I feel that we take these little things for granted. Life becomes more of monetary values and the simple things -- well, we let them just slip away. Birthday parties no longer exist at homes with simple games of pin-the-tail on the donkey or musical chairs now they are costly and held at extravagant places. You drive down the street on a beautiful day and there are no children on the streets playing. When I was a child, we were booted out after 9:30 am (as to not wake the neighbors) and we were not allowed in (except for meals and potty breaks) until the street lights came on.

Where did the good ole' days go? I'm now reading a book called "Free Range Kids." The authors theory is that more kids are inside today because of parents fear. According to her statistics about 80% of us were sent outside like I just described but only 30% of us allow our children the same benefit. Some say the world is worse now...but statistically speaking its not more dangerous, the same dangers were there when we were kids but now we are too informed about it. So what do we do? We keep them in front of a tv, video games, etc and let these electronical babysitters drain our children. burn brain cells and risk their health for lack of exercise.

My boys love bubbles and baseball, they love dancing in the rain, cloud watching, searching for rainbows, chasing bugs and running through the grass barefoot. I am going to try to allow my children a little more "free range" so they don't miss out on all those fun activities we did as children. Mud pie anyone?

My Wish For You

2009-06-09T19:56:00.007-04:00

This song is a dedication to my beautiful boys. Mommy LOVES You!

MY WISH FOR YOU

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
and each road leads you where you want to go,
and if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
and if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' 'til you find the window,
if it's cold outside,
show the world the warmth of your smile,
but more than anything, more than anything,

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
all the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
and you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
and always give more then you take.

But more than anything, Yeah, and more than anything,

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
this, is my wish
i hope you know somebody loves you
may all your dreams stay big

(Photographed in 2007)

Bubbles and Baseball

2009-06-08T09:44:00.010-04:00

"Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too."

After a long week of dreary, rainy days we finally had a nice weekend. Saturday unfortunately we didn't take advantage only because we have so much to do for this move. But, Sunday we went to my parents house and spent the day outside. The boys had a blast! They love going to their grandparents house because they have the freedom to run around and be kids. Here, they are always couped up because there is nothing for them to do.

Well, what's better than a day of blowing bubbles, playing with bugs and practicing baseball? Forget all the fancy gadgets and toys they come out with. When it comes down to it the classics are always the best!

Here's a video of my oldest Mikey practicing his baseball. He is getting much better!! Too bad the whole tee-ball season has practically been washed away with the rainy days.

Here are a few of my favorite pics of the day too...

This is my little man Alex.

Max and Mikey blowing bubbles

All my boys. <3

Friendship, Movies and Camera's

2009-06-05T21:28:00.003-04:00

"Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold."

It's been a crazy, hectic, depressing, rainy, cabin-fevery, sick kid, down in the dumps kind of week. I've been trying all week to search my soul for inspiration to get past this rut I've been in.

This morning I had a good cry and that seemed to help, but more about that tomorrow. Tonight, I had an amazing family night. Good movie followed by dancing with the boys. I took some pics and will post them tomorrow. Did I mention that I have a camera now? My mom is one awesome woman and let me borrow hers until I get a new one. (Thanks Mom <3)

Well I'm supposed to be having cuddle time with hubby but I just wanted to thank all of you new and old for giving me laughs and smiles this week. xoxxoo

The Ten Commandments of Mother Earth

2009-06-04T20:43:00.003-04:00

I. Thou shalt love and honor the Earth for it blesses thy life and governs thy survival.

II. Thou shalt keep each day sacred to the Earth and celebrate the turning of its seasons.

III. Thou shalt not hold thyself above other living things nor drive them to extinction.

IV. Thou shalt give thanks for thy food, to the creatures and plants that nourish thee.

V. Thou shalt educate thy offspring for multitudes of people are a blessing unto the Earth when we live in harmony.

VI. Thou shall not kill, nor waste Earth's riches upon weapons of war.

VII. Thou shalt not pursue profit at the Earth's expense but strive to restore its damaged majesty.

VIII. Thou shalt not hide from thyself or others the consequences of thy actions upon the Earth.

IX. Thou shalt not steal from future generations by impoverishing or poisoning the Earth.

X. Thou shalt consume material goods in moderation so all may share the Earth's bounty.

God writes the gospel not in the Bible alone, but on trees and flowers and clouds and stars. ~Martin Luther

We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children. ~ Native American Proverb.

Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair. ~Kahlil Gibran

Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished. ~Lao Tzu

The sky is the daily bread of the eyes. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I believe in God, only I spell it Nature. ~Frank Lloyd Wright

Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better. ~Albert Einstein

Go now, and live.

2009-06-03T22:28:00.011-04:00

I'm having one of those "blue" days...where I search for comfort in words. Where I am struggling with my goals and wondering who I am in the world.

I know we all have these days and we all express them in our own ways. We all search for answers and certain comforts. Some clean, others eat, me?...I look for my inspiration through quotes, pictures and natural beauty. They all help lead me towards the right path.

On my search through the wonderful world wide web, I found this and it empowered me. It reminded me that I am worth something and I need to get past the difficulties and continue to live.

I try to live in the moment, keep the Eckhart Tolle's "I AM" way of thinking and keep myself in the present which is why I lean towards these crutches for support. As the wonderful, Walt Whitman once said, "I exist as I am, that is enough, if no other in the world be aware I sit content. And if each and all be aware I sit content." =)

I hope if you find yourself feeling low, or just a little off today; that this will help you out too.

Love and Light!

My Mother Taught Me

2009-06-02T20:39:00.008-04:00

The most important lesson my mother taught me about being a mom…

As a child my mother always said, “You will understand when you are a mother.” And she was right... now I know.

My mother taught me the bond that you will never have with anyone else but your child.

I know the movements my children made inside of me when I was pregnant and the difference in each one and how it has produced into their personalities.

I know the feeling of pain from labor but that the feeling of holding your child for the first time outweighs it and makes you instantly forget.

I know the bond that only a mother can feel when she looks into her child’s eyes for the first time.

I know that promise you make to them in those first few minutes of life to protect them, always be there for them and most of all to love them forever.

I know that feeling you get when your child smiles at you for the first time. Or when they roll over, take their first steps and say your name.

I know the overwhelming love you feel when your child gives you a hug or kiss and tells you they love you.

I know this because my mother taught me.

My mother taught me the reasons for her over protectiveness.

I know when my child gets on that bus to school every morning I will worry until the moment he comes home and is in my care again.

I know when my child is sleeping at night why I check on them throughout the night.

I know why I make sure my last words to them every night before bed and every time we need to part is, I Love You.

I know when someone is watching my children that lump you feel in your chest worrying if they are okay.

I know when a child takes their first steps you can’t baby them but you can always be a few steps away from them to catch them if they fall.

I know they will one day tell me they hate me for being over protective and tell me I am the worst mother in the world, and I will smile at them and respond, “When you have children, you will understand.”

I know this because my mother taught me.

My mother taught me the sacrifice that a mother makes for her child.

I know the sacrifices you make to give your child everything they want and need.

I know the sacrifice of not always being home with my children because in order to give my children the best, I need to work.

I know the sacrifice of sleep because your child isn’t feeling well.

I know the sacrifice of your favorite foods because your child doesn’t like them.

I know the sacrifice of new undergarments or clothes because although yours are old you find yourself in the children’s department of the store buying for your children instead.

I know this, because my mother taught me.

My mother taught me to be strong for my children.

I know that I need to teach my children to walk but it’s hard not to hold their hand.

I know I need to teach my children to be independent but that I will always be there when they are in a jam.

I know that I need to let my children find out things for themselves but I could always give them advice.

I know that I can’t stop them from the heartaches they will endure but I can always lend an ear and a shoulder to lean on.

I know that I can’t stop them from growing up but I can help them on the right path.

I know that I can’t stop them from straying from that path but I can help them find it again.

I know that the lessons I teach my children will be harder on me then they are on them.

I know this because my mother taught me.

My mother also taught me the most valuable lesson of all…

Since becoming a mother, my mom has taught me even more lessons. These lessons I haven’t questioned or even thought twice about the advice. Now I listen to her and although some things I may not agree with, I still keep those lessons in the back of my mind knowing one day I too will understand.

The most valuable lesson my mother has taught me since becoming a mother myself, is to enjoy my children because they grow up so fast. She is absolutely right, too. I have stopped and smelled the roses with my boys, spent a whole day cuddling with them on the couch. I have danced like a fool in my living room with them and we have laughed so hard that we cried. I have enjoyed every feeding, every cuddle and every kiss as if it was the first time. I have sat admiring my children when they thought I wasn’t looking and cried at night because I love them so much.

I know the meaning of being a mother, I know how it feels and I know I will teach my children the same... just as my mother taught me.

The Dance of Life

2009-06-02T08:45:00.006-04:00

“Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, a charm to sadness, gaiety and life to everything;It is the essence of order and lends to all that is good, just, and beautiful.” ~ Plato

Wouldn't the world be a better place if we displayed our emotions through dance? I know it may sound silly but what if instead of having a verbal disagreement, everyone would just dance their anger away. Maybe even in....tap shoes? Wouldn't it be wonderful to see people dancing through the streets?

Actually, if you think about it a simple act like walking could really be seen as a dance. Look at all the different ways people walk. For instance, some drag their feet while others walk on their tip toes. While some walk with their head down at a fast pace, others walk slow absorbing the world around them. Wouldn't this be considered a dance? Have you ever sat in the mall and just watch people? The constant twists and turns and movements people will do to avoid contact with another person, or the beat of all the different shoes tapping on the floors. Our simple tasks are the beautiful symphony of life.

Music lives within all of us. I think dancing is a simple act of sharing your soul with others. A time when instead of our bodies housing our souls; our souls are visible to the world as if it was pinned to your chest. A vision of our spirits, our youth and wisdom at the same time.

The music we choose in our play list of life not only change with each growing experience but provides others with an outlook on who we really are. The songs that we choose to remember moments or sing to those we love... The songs we choose for special events or the ones that hurt too badly to listen too... these are all a part of us and an invitation to others to take a deeper look at the person inside.

Why is it that we gravitate to certain music, certain songs depending on our moods? Have you ever listened to the words to a song that comes on the radio, that you love when you are depressed but now you are in a good mood and just listen to the lyrics? Have you ever wondered why you resonate with that song?

What if we changed it up today and instead of grabbing for that album we favor when times are bad and we want to wallow in our sorrows, what if we grab for our happy music instead. Maybe we can change our moods a little quicker and the world could be a little better if we just.....dance.

My Prince Charming

2009-05-29T09:32:00.013-04:00

True love stories never have endings. ~Richard Bach

When I was a little girl, I would dream of my prince charming. I would picture what he would look like and how he would sweep me off my feet. I wanted the fairytale life that I read in so many of my favorite books growing up. I would daydream about what he would look like, what our life would be like and the family we would create one day.

I met my prince five years ago today and we married exactly one year later. Our wedding was small only a little over 50 guests. Our bridal party consisted of my sister as matron of honor, his best friend as best man, and my son Mikey as ring bearer. It was the perfect wedding. We were blessed with a beautiful day that we shared with our closest friends and family.

As a little girl, I dreamed of the wedding but never thought about the marriage. Marriage is not easy. These past four years have been a long roller coaster ride filled with many emotions and lots of ups and downs. There were times when I was terrified, excited, thrilled, disappointed, thankful and amazed. There were times when I was holding on with a death grip and other times that I was flying with my arms over my head enjoying the ride. The thing about it is that for every low there is a high and we have found the balance. We don't have a storybook marriage but I wouldn't change it at all.

After four years, I am still in love with my husband as much as I was on our wedding day. I still look at him admiringly and he still makes me weak in the knees when he smiles at me. We have a passion for one another that I think others dream of. When I married my husband he gave me three amazing stepchildren and I gave him one. Together we completed our family with another 2 gorgeous boys. We are blessed and I love him more for what he has given me. I see my husband in my children and it melts my heart.

I may not have the house with the white picket fence that I have always dreamed of yet but I know with time my husband will provide it for me like he has provided everything else for our family. He is an amazing man and I am so thankful that he is in my life.

Memories

2009-05-28T12:01:00.000-04:00

"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never wanted to lose."

Moments after I created this blog, I became very excited and thought about my first real blog entry. It was going to be something about the flowers my boys and I have been working so hard to grow and I wanted to go outside and take a picture of my sons special flowers. When I reached into my purse to retrieve it, I noticed it wasn't there. I searched everywhere for it recounting my steps and calling all the places I had been in and out of within the 2 week time frame since my last picture upload. After hours of searching and making phone calls I finally came to terms and accepted (as much as I possibly could) that my camera was gone. I have been particularly disappointed in myself for losing it and saddened knowing that I will not be getting a new one any time soon. Something my husband mentioned right away when I alerted him of my newest loss. Not that he doesn't want me to have a camera but in his defense he did just buy this one for me almost 2 years ago when my last camera broke.

As a mom to three small boys I tend to take a lot of pictures -- seriously. I average about 200-300 a month. While I have been sitting here watching my boys with their silly daily antics and bonding moments, it hurts when I reach my arm out for my camera that isn't there. It's sad because I feel like I am missing a piece of myself.

I know it seems silly but I am really lost. Memorial Day passed without pictures, Alex's first parade was not documented, Max with his clothes on all the wrong body parts pretending to be the clothes monster, special bonding moment between Mikey and Alex....all came and gone without capturing the memory forever.

Tomorrow, my husband and I will be celebrating our four year wedding anniversary and again no camera to document it. Nor will there be a camera at Mikey's tee-ball game on Saturday.

I know it sounds like I am whining but honestly I am heartbroken and utterly lost without my camera. It became my companion over the past few years and we had a lot of history together and captured a lot of memories. I guess I'm going to have to find another way to capture the memories.

Beginnings

2009-05-21T21:35:00.000-04:00

Tonight I was sitting here reading "Change of Heart" by Jodi Picoult and watching my family out of the corner of my eyes. Mikey was annoying Max while Max was doing the same to Alex. I sat there yelling at them like I normally do and then it hit me. Why do I yell at them? I was a kid and I did a lot more than that before my mother came in and scolded me. Maybe it's because we live in a small apartment and we are always on top of each other. Or maybe it's because I am always in a constant battle with them over the mess that I cleaned 5 minutes earlier that seemed to reappear by the time I turned around. But the reality of it all is that I am having more bad moments then good.

I promised myself in the beginning of the year that I was going to work harder at letting the small things go, not just with my kids or my husband but with every day encounters. Maybe I just needed a little something to get me started...something like a daily reflection. This is where this blog comes in.

Daily Reflections will feature a small tidbit of my daily thoughts. Each day will be labeled by an intention or reflection word. Depending on the day. I will probably add in some of my favorite quotes and maybe a few spiritual journeys along the way but the project is going to try to be a daily effort.

Now it's time to open my heart and my soul and just.....release.

Kids say the darndest things!!

2007-12-18T15:02:00.000-05:00

It's nap time.

I put my children to bed and go lay down myself. I am seconds away from sleep and in comes my 4 yr old, Mikey.

"Mommy I have to go poopie." Okay, so in the bathroom we go.

He turns to me and says, "Mommy, my poopie is sleeping. I have to wait until it's done taking a nap." Okay. Back to bed we go.

I'm drifting into sleepy time. Completely comfortable and right there.... In flies Mikey full force. "Mommy my poopie woke up!"

All children are now up.

End nap time.

Not Your Average Brady Bunch...

2007-12-07T21:52:00.000-05:00

and I'm no Carol Brady or June Cleaver.

Sure, I love to cook but I don't wear in apron in the kitchen. I never tried vacuuming in a dress with heels....maybe it would make the job less tedious? Geeze, I don't even put on make-up or get dressed if I'm not going anywhere! I don't wake up before my husband to hand him the morning paper and make his coffee when he can manage the coffee machine all by himself. I yell at my children when they are bad and I don't sugar coat everything and make them believe that the world is perfect.

So, Who is my favorite fictional mom? I would have to say Lynette Scavo from Desperate Housewives.

Okay, so you may not agree that she is the best example of a great mom, but lets face it, Lynette has three boys who many would describe as the devils child, a baby girl and is now caring for her hubby's illegitimate daughter. You probably at least know of children like the Scavo brothers....I gave birth to some myself. Lynette loves her kids and does the best she can to get her troubled kids to behave – even if she has to leave them on the side of the road to teach them a valuable lesson.

She is also a supportive wife who has a good relationship with her husband. They can discuss anything openly. They fight about money, children, work, roles and everything that couples do fight about. They just know that it's okay to disagree.

She is a dedicated mother, strong wife, good step-mom and will go the distance for her friends. So what if her clothes have stains and she goes shopping in sweats...she has her values and knows that her family is the most important thing to live for.

So why would I possibly find any other fictional mother to be a better "Mommy Role Model."

What happened to children today?

2007-12-06T20:53:00.000-05:00

Are kids smarter today than when you were their age?

What is considered smarter? Learning how to spell your name in Preschool? Learning a foreign language in Kindergarten? Being able to operate a computer?

What about the things I was taught when I was a child? The things that really matter. So what if I don't know a foreign language or I don't know the difference between x-box and PlayStation.

I was taught how to use my imagination. Now children have toys that speak for them, walk, and act life like.

I was taught how to build things. Now, children don't want to waste their time building go-carts and things because you can buy a ride-on toy with specialized motors, real sounds etc for a couple hundred dollars!

I was taught how to share. Now, children don't need to share because gaming systems and the games that you play on them are usually for 1 player. So now a parent with more than 1 child has to buy 2...One for each bedroom.

I exercised daily. Where are the children now? I was kicked out of the house after school and on weekends and was not allowed inside until the street lights came on. We were forced to run around, play tag, and make friends. I can drive down any street in my area on any nice day and not 1 child will be outside. Again...they are inside on those "learning toys" or with their game systems.

I learned science outside of the classroom! I made mud pies and dissected bugs and made army paint out of lightning bugs. Where are kids now, again?

I received an allowance...because I deserved it! Children still get allowances now. Not according to what they did around the house but by what other parents are paying. Even if they don't do anything at all!

I learned to love my body and myself. Now...16 year old girls are getting breast implants for their birthdays, nose jobs because their nose is a little crooked or bumpy. Teenage girls are afraid to eat a cookie or anything else for that matter because they are afraid of the calories, or worst...GETTING FAT!

I learned that "bad guys" are out there and how to run the other way if confronted. Now, children learn from the news how to bring a gun to school and take out their issues improperly.

I learned the meanings of all holidays for all religions. Now everyone is too afraid of being politically correct or upsetting another person...no religion is allowed in schools. Soon it won't be allowed in schools.

I was taught to respect those older than me. I still do! I don't remember the last time I heard a teenager now call an older man sir or older women ma'am. Or a young child call their neighbors Mr/Mrs. So-and so. Not to mention the disrespect children show their parents.

I was taught values. I was taught the meaning of a dollar. I was taugh magic tricks and how to build a fort. I was taught how to make a fire without a match. I learned how to change a tire because I didn't have a cell phone to call someone to do it. I can go on and on, but I will stop here.

So ask me again...Do I think children are smarter now than when I was a kid? No. I think they are just "programmed" better!

Mikey qualified!

2007-12-06T18:00:00.000-05:00

I received an email this morning from the child study team at the elementary school.

Hope all is well!

As we're finishing up Michael's evaluations, I would like to schedule a time to meet to review all evaluations and recommendations from therapists. Would Thursday, December 20 at 8:15 work for you? All evaluations will be sent home to you prior to the meeting for your review.

Also, Michael is eligible for the program. In order for him to begin, he will have to be registered in our schools. If you follow this link, all the information is provided as to what you need to do to have Michael registered as a student in the FP schools.

Michael can begin following the holiday break if he is registered. Please feel free to call/email if you have any questions regarding registration or setting up the eligibility meeting.

Thank you!

Yvonne

Sounds great...if you weren't me! I originallly brought him for a speech evaluation. They decided he needed more evaluations behavioral, psychological and placement as well. They didn't go well...at all! (see past journals)

Mikey is scheduled for his speech evaluation on Tuesday so they determined this on the other evaluations. I know it's best for him but I guess I wasn't ready to hear that there is another problem. Me looking for answers is one thing...them agreeing....a total other.

Well then I started stressing how I would get him to school. My car only fits 2 kids and I can't leave one of them so I emailed her back with all my concerns. She told me he is eligible for bus service and they have a preschool bus. Only preschoolers on it and an aide. That made me feel a little better but how do you not stress your baby getting on a bus? He's shy and I worry he is going to have a hard time with this.

I guess I need to wait until the 20th to see what evaluations and recomendations they have for him. I know it's good that I get help now, I'm just worried about my baby.

My mom is going out and buying him new school clothes, and school supplies to help with the transition. It's only 2.5 hours a day. I guess I could look on the bright side. I can leave my house for 2 hours a day with the boys!!

Mother or Monster

2007-11-30T12:52:00.000-05:00

With the new law in Mass. trying to be passed I have noticed in a lot of groups that the discussion of spanking has become an open topic. For years I wasn't sure if it was appropriate or not although I was spanked as a child. It just seemed to be a hushed subject. I likied it that way. No one needing to judge how I parent my children or sharing their spanking stories.

Now I see mothers bragging about how they spank. They are proud of it. I have spanked my children, yes I have....BUT I am not proud of it. I don't brag about it or tell others to do it too. I spank according to the problem. If other forms have been repeated and my children still don't understand I try different forms of punishment to teach them a lesson. Spanking is ALWAYS a last resort. It usually doesn't work either. I have found it only works when used because my child has hit another. If my child bites....I bite them back. I don't leave marks on them. Just enough to let them know how it feels and why they shouldn't do it.

I was originally against this ban because I wasn't sure I liked someone telling me how to raise my children. A slight swat on the butt is not what they are looking to ban. I think I finally realized this. Reading how mothers spank their children for accidents and out of anger has disgusted me and THIS is what they are trying to stop! The ban may be able to keep kids safe in public as well as make parents try to find other forms of punishment.

When potty training...your children will have accident. Reassure them that accidents happen and next time try going a little earlier. Don't spank your child. You will push them back a few steps.

Your child spills their milk at the table....Don't spank them. Give them a towel and have them help clean it up. I'm 28 years old and I still spill things.

ACCIDENTS HAPPEN and they should be a learning experience....not a reason to spank!

If you are going to spank.....Learn to spank with love!

Another Unsuccessful Evaluation

2007-11-16T16:30:00.000-05:00

If you are unaware of my situation and want to understand the background, you can check my previous journal entry here.

I prepped him all week for this.

I tried to get him excited for it this time.

He knew what they were going to ask him questions.

He knew they wanted to play.

He was okay with it....

UNTIL WE GOT THERE.

We were driving to the school and talking in the car about what we were going to be doing and he was looking forward to it. We pulled up to the school and he asked me where the fire truck was. (Last time they must have had the children learn about firemen) I explained that they aren't always there and we discussed how you learn different things at school. He held my hand as we got out of the car and we skipped to the door. They buzzed us into the school and we headed into the main office. He wanted his visitor sticker and was excited. Then we were told we can go down to the guidance office.

I opened the door and his whole mood changed. I sat down with the "teachers" and asked him to sit next to me. He grunted, pouted and picked up his arms like a toddler. He wanted to sit on my lap. I told him no and to sit in the chair next to me. He "hmphed" and sat on the floor cross-armed. I asked him to get up and aagain he raised his hands at me. I told him no again. One of the teachers asked if I could swich where I was trying to get him to sit. I got up and he sat in my seat. Everyone moved around him.

Without trying to ease him in or anything. They started right with a puzzle throwing it in front of him and asking him questions. He grabbed a hold of the table with a kung-fu grip and put his head down making his evil look that disturbs me. I covered his eyes and asked him to please stop and do the simple puzzle. He just sat there.

After a few minutes the teacher decided to try letting him draw to get him comfortable. He loves to draw so I figured it wouyld work. After 5 minutes of head still down and kung fu grip they decided to try going to motor skills.

They asked him to run down the hall. He still didn't budge. The teacher tried topick him out of his seat and I asked her to allow me to do it because he is very strong and I didn't want her to get hurt. I pried the kung fu grip off the table. I tried to get him to stand and he dropped himself to the floor. To try and get him to run I walked down the hall and asked him to run to me. There's a side hallway so I said I was leaving and kind of hid so he would run. Instead...he crawled down the hall to me like a baby. Then he lifted his arms for me to pick him up. I told him no.

I then hid off with him and had a talk with him as he chewed on his nails and his shirt. I told him that they were very nice and all they wanted to do was play with him. I asked him if he could do that for me and he told me no. He dropped himself to the floor. I tried over and over to pick up his dead-weight body to standing but he refused to let his feet make contact with the floor. After a few minutes of struggling with 44 lbs of dead weight I gave up and walked back into the area where the teachers were waiting and listening.

They decided instead of trying to force him to do things they would just ask me questions about his development since I've been completely honest and not trying to make him seem "better" than he is. We discussed everything and they told me that hopefully they can at least get the speech evaluation completed since that was my major concern. I said hopefully since the speech therapist is coming to my home wer will have better results. They thanked me for coming.

I picked up my dead weight child off the ground and asked him if he wanted to go to Starbucks. As soon as we left that office he came alive again. We discussed all the children's artwork on the walls and the importance of going to school. He doesn't think he needs to go back ever but would like to do the art projects on the walls.

I don't know how I am going to get him ready for kindergarten next year. My poor baby is really anti-school.

Ten Commandment Rewrite

2007-11-09T16:57:00.000-05:00

With all the discussions on religion, I went surfing the internet looking for different variations that could make all happy. Here are a few that I found and I feel regardless of your religion or lack of one, you can agree of what they are trying to achieve--religious freedom, religious tolerance, and an end to sexism and racism.

We, the members of the human community speak these words, saying.

We shall not limit freedom of thought.
We shall not cause unnecessary harm to any living thing or the environment.
We shall be respectful of the rights of others.
We shall be honest.
We shall be responsible for our actions.
We shall be fair in all matters to all persons.
We shall be considerate of the happiness and well being of others.
We shall be reasonable in our actions.
We shall nurture these values by word & deed in our children, family, friends and acquaintances.
We shall not limit inquiring or testing by their consequences, on any matter, including these Commandments.

Ten Commandments for the Third Millennium: Written by a person who would prefer to remain anonymous. It is obviously a religiously inclusive restatement of the Biblical Ten Commandments which would be acceptable to followers of most religions and to secularists as well:

Respect and worship any deity within your faith tradition, if you follow one. Value and support the right of others to do the same.
Enjoy and support legal guarantees of freedom of religious belief, religious practice, assembly and speech for all.
Do not use obscene speech in the name of the deities of any religion.
Follow the guidance of your faith or secular tradition every day of the week, because every day is important.
Help to establish social safety nets so that the very young, the elderly, the sick, mentally ill, physically disabled, unemployed, poor and broken will receive adequate medical attention and enjoy at least a minimum standard of living.
Minimize the harm you do to others and yourself. Treat others as you would wish to be treated.
Do not engage in sexual activity with another person, which is coercive, unsafe, manipulative, public, or outside of a committed monogamous relationship.
Do not steal the property of others, except in case of emergency (and then only if you attempt to replace or pay for it later).
Do not lie, either in or out of court. Be honest and truthful at all times.
Attempt to be satisfied with your current standard of living; do not obsess over the possessions of others; that path leads to unhappiness.
New versions of five of the commandments by Marylin Vos Savant: In her column in Parade Magazine for 1994-MAR-20, she reverses the last five commandments in interesting ways:
6: "Thou shalt not kill" becomes "Heal those who have been harmed."

7: "Thou shalt not commit adultery" becomes "Respect everyone."

8: "Thou shalt not steal" becomes "Give more to the world than you take."

9: "Thou shalt not bear false witness" becomes "Value the dignity of truth."

10: "Thou shalt not covet" becomes "Be content with the necessities of life."
The "Shalt Nots"

Thou shalt not kill.

Thou shalt not steal.

Thou shalt not lie.

Thou shalt not hate.

Thou shalt not oppress.

The "Shalls"

Thou shall love.

Thou shall create.

Thou shall seek knowledge.

Thou shall have courage.

Thou shall know thyself.

Native American Ten Commandments: This has been published in many places on the Internet. The author is unknown:
Treat the Earth and all that dwell thereon with respect.
Remain close to the Great Spirit.
Consider the impact on the next six generations when making decisions.
Work together to benefit all humanity.
Freely give help and kindness wherever needed.
Do what you believe to be right.
Look after the well-being of your mind and body.
Contribute a share of your efforts to the greater good.
Be truthful and honest at all times.
Take full responsibility for your actions.

No Poison for Christmas

2007-11-09T11:54:00.000-05:00

Due to all the recent recalls, I have decided there will be no toys for my children for Christmas.

This year we will be enjoying the spirit of Christmas and I will be teaching my children the real meaning. The boys will learn the story of Jesus. They will make puppets and act out the story. We will bake cookies and make gifts for family. We will sing songs and put up a tree. They will even get to go see Santa but on Christmas morning they will know that there will be no toys under the tree.

I will explain (since they are so young) that Santa's workshop is broken and no toys will be made this year. Will they get presents? Of course! But the presents will be clothes, books, movies, maybe computer games and arts and crafts. They will go into the new year learning how to use there imagination and how to make forts and things out of everyday things. Is the hottest toys out therereally worth the riskto my children? No. If things go right, they won't be disappointed come Christmas morning, either.

With all the recalls I'm worried about Christmas

2007-11-08T11:43:00.000-05:00

I just am uncertain what dangers this holiday season will bring into my home. With all the recent recalls it's making me really worried about the gifts my children will receive for Christmas. How disappointing. Not only do we have to worry about the food we prepare and feed our children now the dangers in the toys are at a high. I told most family members to buy clothes but you know that kids won't get excited about that. How do you know what's safe anymore? Between lead, date rape drugs and all the other recent findings what do we do with the holidays approaching? Maybe buy the kids crafts or old fashioned toys? Avoid big name company's? I can't even keep up with all the recalls anymore.

Psychological Evaluation

2007-10-17T21:40:00.000-04:00

I have had a really rough day. It all started at 9:30 am when my son had a scheduled psychological exam. (Background: My son is 4 years old and showing signs of a learning disability so I took him to the schools child study team to see if anything needed to be done. They agreed that he does have an issue and we should do some further testing, one being a psych. evaluation.) So we get there and the school psychologist meets us in the main office. She greets Mikey and he shy's off which she is aware of. He is VERY shy. We get to the guidance office where the study team does the evaluations and she asks me to bring him into a smaller room. As soon as we enter she tells me to leave. Mikey went hysterical. He started screaming and crying and after a few minutes flew out of there and landed on my lap petrified and shaking. What psychologist traumatizes a introverted child like this. She makes me bring him back in the room and leave again. After a few minutes of hearing him cry she calls me in to calm him down. He begs me to take him home and now all of a sudden my child who couldn't wait to go to school now NEVER wants to go, ever again!! This went on for an hour. She asked me if he had tantrums like this at home and I said yes. She then questioned his learning and I explained that when you try to teach him things he gets frustrated and shuts down. He doesn't know his alphabet in order or basic comprehension like most children his age. HOWEVER...he loves to teach himself. I then explained how he taught himself how to add and subtract and he even knows by looking at the clock when it's time for lunch, dinner, bed and which of his shows are on tv. She then recommended I bring him to a neurologist. WTF is that??? She then tried to get him to look at her but he still wouldn't so she said we will try more next week and will send me a survey to fill out about his home behavior. She said she may get all she needs by what he displayed today and the survey, although she would like to see what his IQ results are.

So then I go to the doctor this afternoon with him. I explain everything and he gives me the name of a neurodevelopmental pediatrician and agrees that he has a disability. Also recommends he see's an audiologist to test his hearing.

So now here I am with a traumatized 4 year old. Who last night couldn't wait to be a big boy and go to school and now won't even watch the school bus drive by. My poor baby. I just want to hold him.

My Child Is NOT OBESE!!!

2007-10-17T21:13:00.000-04:00

This is my 4 year 3 month old Mikey. Mikey is 3 feet 4-1/2 inches tall and 44 pounds. I returned from his 4 year check up today extremely upset. The doctor told me his BMI was off the charts over the 95th% and that he was considered obese. Does he look obese, none the less fat to anyone??? When he stands up straight you can see his ribs!! He has big shoulders and has a thick solid frame but I would never consider him fat none-the-less obese. I had a trying day with him today. We had his psychological evaluation this morning for a learning disability (I will post about that in another journal) and then off to the doctors in the afternoon. Then I get asked if I want to be referred to a nutritionist. I denied. I am perfectly capable of knowing what is good food and what is bad. The doctor gave me some simple things to do to lower his weight but OBESE? I can not get past this LABEL being put on my 4 year old son!!

I am so angry right now!!!!

Sorry I needed to vent.

What I wish I would have known when I was younger....

2007-10-16T16:27:00.000-04:00

~ When God closes a door, he opens up a window.

~ The grass is not always greener on the other side.

~ Some lessons have to be lived not taught.

~ Storms always clear up and the sun will always shine again.

~ That trust is something earned, not handed.

~ Everyoone you meet will have an impact on the path of your life.

~ Smoking is not cool!

~ Bad haircuts will grow out.

~ Tantrums don't solve anything.

~ You will find your soulmate, eventually.

~ The truth will always come out.

~ Your eating habits will eventually catch up to you.

~ Respect yourself first.

~ A true friend never leads you into danger.

~ A true love never will abuse you.

~ Life goes fast enough. Stay young and enjoy it.

~ The "nerds" somehow look really good after high school.

~ Nothing good could come out of being out after midnight.

~ Life isn't a contest or beauty pageant. Everyone is beautiful and talented in their own way. You just need to find it in you and let it shine!!

Finally.....

Love like you've never been hurt, Dance as if no one were watching, Sing as if no one were listening, And live every day as if it were your last.

Sick Day!!

2006-05-19T20:10:00.000-04:00

I decided to call out of work sick today, although I feel fine. Some may say that my decision is irresponsible, but let me explain my story. I work in retail (high-end jewelry store) and before I gave birth to Maximus, I worked in Customer Service. After Max was born, and maternity leave was over Rob and I decided I should go back to work part time. So when I spoke to my manager it was okay. One afternoon, (shortly before I had to be in work) I received a phone call from my manager. She explained the only position she had available was Shipping (labor?!) and their would be a pay-cut of $3.50. (why over the phone?!) They would need a decision immediately. So what decision did I have? Could I have said no? If I did I would be out of a job, right? So now I tie the pretty white bow, on the pretty blue box. *ugh* Anyways, as if this wasn't enouhj to upset me? I now, have noy received a paycheck since April 14th. When did I change status to volunteer? I have children to support, bills to pay but does my billion dollar employer care? No, why should they?! When I didn't receive my first paycheck, I called payroll, and they told me when status changes from full-time to part-time; you owe the company, one weeks pay. (I owe them?) That my manager should have informed me. *dumbfounded*

Let me take you forward two weeks to my next pay period. I call the bank for my balance... still negative?! How could that be? I paid them already! A payroll deposit was made in the amount of $46.24 . This can't be right! I worked 40 hours during the pay period! I call and leave a message for my manager. The anxiety eating me up all day, I can still feel it. No call back all day. (This was 1 week ago, today) I get ready for work and get their at 5:50, 10 minute early so I can speak to my manager. She never called payroll!! I will have to wait until Monday. (Does she realize I have a negative bank balance and $7.00?) She feels bad, and on Tuesday she personally goes to corporate to speak to payroll. Seems payroll was still paying me my old rate, so now I owe them more money! (your kidding, right?....uhm no!) She explains I haven't received anything in a month and can they cut me a check? Well, it seems payroll swears they paid me and have to look into their files.

So now, it's a week later... and I still have yet to receive a check. So yes, today I called out sick, and tomorrow I plan on doint the same because at least they have to pay me for my sick days. So that is at a minimum of 13 hours I will be paid for.

Now let me ask you... Irresponsible? or just trying to support my family?

Birthday Party

2006-05-19T18:43:00.000-04:00

Well it's that time to start planning Mikey's birthday party. Last year was Nemo, the year before it was Elmo, and this year Mikey want's Caillou. The problem with Caillou is you can not find anything in stores. So now I am on a search for Caillou related products on the good old internet. I have come across quite a few things, however the pricing is ridiculous. So this leaves me to wonder, should I give him what he wants or try to talk him into something easier? I guess for now the search continues.

Potty Training 101

2006-05-19T16:52:00.000-04:00

Me: Mom?
Mom: Hi Baby, what's up?
Me: Mom--
Mom: Mands, what's wrong?!
Me: Mom, how do you get urine out of a mattress?
Mom: What?
Me: sigh* How do you clean urine from a mattress?*
Mom: Why?
Me: Well, Mikey thought it would be a good idea to wear big boy underwear last night, after I put him to bed.
Mom: uncontrollable laughter* I don't know.*
Me: You don't know?
Mom: Check the internet.

And this is how I started my day. Cleaning my son's soiled mattress with shampoo, then using hydrogen peroxide to pull the stain out. I guess I should backtrack and explain why this happened. My son Mikey, will be 3 on June 20th, and I figured it was a good time to start really pushing the potty training. So yesterday I had him in big boy underwear. He did really good -- well that's an overstatement, but I will explain that later. Anyways I guess he seemed to think underwear would be good to sleep in too. This brings me to Potty Training 101. I am compiling a list of Rules to avoid this with my second son, Maximus.
Rule #1 ~ Keep underwear out of reach of children.
Rule #2 ~ Be careful what you use as an incentive.
Rule # 3 ~ Do not leave children unattended in the bathroom.
Rule # 4 ~ Watch how they play with toys.

Now for the explanations of all of the rules, I have stumbled upon so far.

Let me explain Rule #2. I went onto a bulletin board yesterday to get some advice on potty training. All the advice was really useful. They explained how often to ask, and to use rewards. For example M&M's. Well Mikey love's M&M's so I figured this would be a great incentive. I took him to the potty and told him if he made pee-pee he would get an M&M. Wow, he was real happy! He made pee-pee and ran to the kitchen extremely excited about his M&M. I gave him his M&M, and he looked at me shocked. He said "More p'ease" I told him he gets 1 M&M for pee-pee, and 2 M&M's for poopie. Well, after a huge temper tantrum, he went back into the potty and it took me 10 minutes to get him out. All he wanted were M&M's. I guess I need to find a new incentive.

This brings me to Rule #3. After dinner, I told Mikey to go potty. He came out naked and asked me to come into the bathroom with him. I did and his clothes were on the floor in front of the potty. I picked them up and they were soaked. I'm not sure if he missed the potty and got his clothes, or if he sat on the potty with his clothes on. I guess if I was there, I would have known.

And now for Rule #4. My son has one of those long light up lasers. He kept sticking it down his pants. Telling us "itchy butt". So again, I needed to sanitize.

Unfortunately, due to last night's accident (and me not knowing at what time it occured, Mikey doesn't get out of bed unless someone comes to get him. Good thing, I know) Mikey has a nice rash on him, and we had to cancel potty training for the day. We are taking a few days off and will reconvene on Sunday or Monday. Hopefully, I won't end up with that many more Rules.

Reflections

Moving On

My Daily Cup of Solitude (Day 4)

My Daily Cup of Solitude (Day 3)

My Daily Cup of Solitude (Day 2)

My Daily Cup of Solitude (Day 1)

Halfway through the Shred!!

New Beginnings...with Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred

Alex Photo Shoot

Child Study Team is just code for "We Pretend to Care"

The Real ME...

Miss You Nana

Another Voice That Needs to be Heard -- October is also Down Syndrome Awareness Month

About Down Syndrome

How Down Syndrome Affects Kids

Medical Problems Associated With DS

Prenatal Screening and Diagnosis

Getting Help

Domestic Violence Awareness Month -- Learn the facts

Domestic Violence and Abuse

Warning Signs and Symptoms of Abusive Relationships

Domestic violence and abuse

Special note:

Violent Behavior is an Abuser's Choice

Cycle of violence

The Full Cycle of Domestic Violence

Signs of an abusive relationship

Types of domestic violence and abuse

Emotional or psychological abuse

Physical abuse

Sexual abuse

Economic or financial abuse

Domestic violence warning signs

Take Precautions

Help, Treatment, Intervention, and Prevention

Getting help for domestic abuse or violence

Domestic Violence: Where to Turn for Help

Protecting yourself from domestic violence

If you’re still living with your abusive partner:

Domestic Violence Escape Kit

Protecting Your Children From Domestic Violence and Abuse

Leaving an abusive relationship safely

Seeking help by phone

Protecting Yourself From Domestic Violence

Seeking help online

Breast Cancer Awareness -- The facts, the risks, early detection, self examination and the FIGHT!

An Early Breast Cancer Detection Plan should include:

Common signs & symptoms of breast cancer include:

The Five Steps of a Breast Self Exam

Three Little Wise Monkeys

Be as a Child

Where to Hide the Dust Bunnies?

The Key To Happiness

Moving On But Not Letting Go

Six Year Olds and Life Threats

Branching Out

Memories of my Nana

Why I'm Proud to be a Mean Mom

I AM the Meanest Mom in the World

You Are My Sunshine

To My First Love....

Embracing my Body

Just for Today

Longing For Our Nights

Inner Beauty

Sunshine and Rainbows =)

First "Little League" Pics

Childhood Simplified

My Wish For You

Bubbles and Baseball

Friendship, Movies and Camera's

The Ten Commandments of Mother Earth

Go now, and live.

My Mother Taught Me

The Dance of Life

My Prince Charming

Memories

Beginnings

Kids say the darndest things!!

Not Your Average Brady Bunch...