While we try to teach our children all about life, Our children teach us what life is all about. ~Angela Schwindt
Children always inspire. They make you yearn for days gone by. The simpler times. The times of carefree joy and innocence. We miss it. We miss those times, but are they really out of reach or have we just forgotten how to enjoy them?.
As we grow older we begin looking towards the future. We begin living with goals that are slightly out of reach - college, careers, homes, children, retirement - It's a never ending cycle. Yet, when we look at children it causes a yearning.
Children are the greatest inspiration for mindfulness. They live in the moment with no thoughts of tomorrow. They enjoy the little things -- those simple pleasures that we take for granted. They let their natural curiosity and imagination take them where ever they want to go. They are free spirits in a closed-minded world. Something we as adults still harbor inside of us.
I could watch my boys for hours. They can sit and build "the largest tower in the world" with their blocks without thinking about what they will be doing later or what happened yesterday. When they fall and get a "boo-boo," they will act as if it's the most traumatic experience in the world as they sit there crying. The moment I place that band-aid on it and give it an "all better" kiss, it is forgotten and they move on as if nothing happened. It amazes me that these little creatures can live in the moment and just the moment. So innocent and carefree. Full of life.
What we yearn for from our childhoods isn't far out of our reach. If we let go of the woes of yesterday or the unknowns of tomorrow. If we let children inspire us -- let them remind us to live in the moment. Maybe then, we can enjoy the moment for what it's worth and most importantly, just live.
"It's surprising how much memory is built around things unnoticed at the time." ~Barbara Kingsolver
Little tics on the walls showing my boys how much they have grown over the past years. Pen and pencil marks outline their latest artwork even if they weren't supposed to write on them. Little fingerprints that have smudged after time and time of them holding on when learning how to walk or running down the halls. All of this being left behind in a week. Ready to be painted over in antique white. Erasing my children's memory so a new family can create their own.
Moving can be so difficult. The memories that you captured in a place are reason enough not to want to leave. Then theirs the actual packing. Picking and choosing the things that you will take
with you. Leaving behind with those marks on the walls other material items that also hold some form of memory.
The crib that all three of my children slept in for 2 years of their live and has comforted my children where they enjoyed many good dreams will now be left behind. For Alex is no longer a baby and with this move, he will acquire a big boy bed. A new beginning for himself. The pack and play that has sat in my living room for 6 years will also not be coming with us. Now that Alex will have a big boy bed, he no longer will lay in there until he goes to sleep at night keeping my husband and myself company until he is fast asleep and moved to his crib. The baby clothes that started with my oldest 6 years ago and still have the smell of all three of them will now be d
onated for other little boys that are less fortunate than us. The toys that used to annoy me with how loud they were will also be donated leaving us with the quieter toys meant for older children.
I keep trying to think of how much nicer it will be to have a fresh start. My older two are excited because they will be getting bunk beds. Their room will be new and exciting. My little one will finally have a room he could play in. He will have a place to grow and learn. My husband and I will have a bedroom that we could go into and enjoy each others company without the clutter that we have acquired. No more disciplining the children for running on the floors so they don't upset the downstairs neighbors.
But what about the memories. Yes we carry them with us in our hearts but the daily reminders; 
the touch, the smells...these things we will be leaving behind. I feel I am letting go of my babies and have to accept that they are growing boys. I'm not sure I am ready to let them go. So, although I am going to be removing the crib, the play pen, the old clothes and the tic marks on the wall; I am also going to pack up their baby blankets, the ones that soothed them when they were babies. The hats they wore home from the hospital. I will take a picture of their growth chart and artwork on the walls. I am going to hold onto these things so when I feel the need to revisit this time, this home.... It will be in the new place waiting for me to remember.
"It is not the cares of today, but the cares of tomorrow, that weigh a man down." ~George MacDonald
This happened to me today and I am still a bit unsure of how I feel. At first I wasn't sure if I should make my fears known to my son or if I should discuss it more with him or act like it was no big deal.
The child who made the threats honestly scares me. Last month at a class function he kept staring at my 2 year old and telling me I need to give him a spanking. He kept going on about it with this look in his eyes. Then he placed his hand over my sons and held his gaze. He then looked at me and told me if I wasn't going to reprimand him, someone had too.
What was my son doing to deserve this? Well being a normal 2 year old, he was play tapping his brothers and close friends. They were all laughing but this child didn't find it amusing. He then pushed in front of my tiny 2 year old and leaned in to take one of those hits to himself. When it happened he grabbed his arm and started squeezing it hard. I got his arm free and then my oldest got in his face and told him to stay away from his brothers. I separated this argument that wasn't looking like it was going in the right direction before the teacher even noticed what was going on. When the bell rang I quickly picked up my kids and got out of there. Then told my oldest that he could forget about me forcing him to invite said child to his birthday party. He was not allowed NEAR my children.
Back to today.
After sharing this information with my mother, I called the teacher at home and explained the situation. The teacher told me their was an altercation between this student and the rest of the class earlier today but it was taken care of. He wasn't aware that it escalated to this by the end of the day. He further informed me when I confided with him my past with this child and my fears, that their are 8 students in the class and 4 teachers so my son was safe to go to school tomorrow.
I'm just not sure how I feel about having this child in class with my son. I know a lot of 6 year olds play with words and show signs of rage and are completely harmless but I know their are a few that are dangerous. I have looked into this child's eyes. I see he has a very disturbed home. I see he has a lot of anger issues and I could see a child like this losing it.
Do I trust my child in the hands of another adult? Do I let fear control my life? I can't keep my children in bubbles. I can't raise them to fear society and life because their are a few bad eggs out there but when is it walking the fine line? I know my son will be okay tomorrow because the teacher will have a steady eye on this child. But what about next week or the following? What about in September after a month break when this child has not been around peers and may be going through more things that bring on more anger? Am I being over-protective? Am I looking into this too much? I want my children to be safe. They are my life and as their mother it is my duty to protect them. But how long do I let this fear harbor inside of me?
"He has the spirit of the sun, the moods of the moon, the will of the wind."
Happy Birthday to the first boy who ever took my breath away. The first eyes I looked into so adoringly that I thought my heart would explode with all the admiration and love I felt. The true meaning of love at first sight. Happy 6th Birthday, Mikey. Mommy loves you more than you will ever know. You are and always will be my shining star!
This weekend my oldest will be 6 and my youngest will be 2. I probably will be doing a lot of reflecting on my kids this week. To start out the week, I wanted to share a poem I wrote last year for all of them.
