"It is not the cares of today, but the cares of tomorrow, that weigh a man down." ~George MacDonald
This happened to me today and I am still a bit unsure of how I feel. At first I wasn't sure if I should make my fears known to my son or if I should discuss it more with him or act like it was no big deal.
The child who made the threats honestly scares me. Last month at a class function he kept staring at my 2 year old and telling me I need to give him a spanking. He kept going on about it with this look in his eyes. Then he placed his hand over my sons and held his gaze. He then looked at me and told me if I wasn't going to reprimand him, someone had too.
What was my son doing to deserve this? Well being a normal 2 year old, he was play tapping his brothers and close friends. They were all laughing but this child didn't find it amusing. He then pushed in front of my tiny 2 year old and leaned in to take one of those hits to himself. When it happened he grabbed his arm and started squeezing it hard. I got his arm free and then my oldest got in his face and told him to stay away from his brothers. I separated this argument that wasn't looking like it was going in the right direction before the teacher even noticed what was going on. When the bell rang I quickly picked up my kids and got out of there. Then told my oldest that he could forget about me forcing him to invite said child to his birthday party. He was not allowed NEAR my children.
Back to today.
After sharing this information with my mother, I called the teacher at home and explained the situation. The teacher told me their was an altercation between this student and the rest of the class earlier today but it was taken care of. He wasn't aware that it escalated to this by the end of the day. He further informed me when I confided with him my past with this child and my fears, that their are 8 students in the class and 4 teachers so my son was safe to go to school tomorrow.
I'm just not sure how I feel about having this child in class with my son. I know a lot of 6 year olds play with words and show signs of rage and are completely harmless but I know their are a few that are dangerous. I have looked into this child's eyes. I see he has a very disturbed home. I see he has a lot of anger issues and I could see a child like this losing it.
Do I trust my child in the hands of another adult? Do I let fear control my life? I can't keep my children in bubbles. I can't raise them to fear society and life because their are a few bad eggs out there but when is it walking the fine line? I know my son will be okay tomorrow because the teacher will have a steady eye on this child. But what about next week or the following? What about in September after a month break when this child has not been around peers and may be going through more things that bring on more anger? Am I being over-protective? Am I looking into this too much? I want my children to be safe. They are my life and as their mother it is my duty to protect them. But how long do I let this fear harbor inside of me?
My post yesterday reminded me of an old email I received 2 years ago. I shared it on Cafemom as a journal entry thankfully and was able to retrieve it for a smile today. Now I know why the "Mean Mom" label didn't hurt so bad. I'm a proud "Mean Mom", are you?
MEAN MOM
Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will tell them, as my Mean Mom told me:
I loved you enough to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time you would be home.
I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover that your new best friend was a creep.
I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes.
I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment, and tears in my eyes. Children must learn that their parents aren't perfect.
I loved you enough to let you assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.
But most of all, I loved you enough to say NO when I knew you would hate me for it.
Those were the most difficult battles of all. I'm glad I won them, because in the end you won, too.
And someday when your children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them.
Was your Mom mean? I know mine was. We had the meanest mother in the whole world! While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast.
When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches.
And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was different from what other kids had, too.
Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we were convicts in a prison. She had to know who our friends were, and what we were doing with them. She insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less.
We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work. We had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie awake at night thinking of more things for us to do.
She always insisted on us telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time we were teenagers, she could read our minds and had eyes in the back of her head. Then, life was really tough!
Mother wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn when they drove up. They had to come up to the door so she could meet them.
While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we were 16.
Because of our mother we missed out on lots of things other kids experienced. None of us have ever been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's property or ever arrested for any crime.
It was all her fault.
Now that we have left home, we are all educated, honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean parents just like Mom was.
I think that is what's wrong with the world today.
It just doesn't have enough mean moms!
"If you have never been hated by your child you have never been a parent." ~Bette Davis
Why am I a mean mom? What could I possibly do to earn me this title?!? I finally decided it was time that I stopped cleaning their room for them and asked them to do it themselves. That doesn't sound too harsh, right?
It was 9am and they had just finished eating breakfast. I was in a wonderful mood after a surprising phone call that my oldest would be the "King of Florham Park" in the Fourth of July Parade. The sun was shining and the skies were blue for the first time in months. A perfect day. So, I asked my kids to go clean their rooms so I could take them out. I planned on meeting with some friends and taking them on a fun day at the zoo.
At 9:01 am the complaining began. They didn't want to clean their room. It wasn't fair. I told them to go clean it quickly, it shouldn't take more than 15 minutes and then we would start our day. By 9:15 am I was screaming and hollering because they flat out refused. I was reluctant at first to take away the day outdoors because I too am suffering from cabin fever and tried once again to redirect them into their room.
By 9:30 am, my oldest so nicely came up to me and told me, "It's not fair that I have to clean my room because YOU are too lazy to do it." What?!?!?! Seriously?!?!? Goodbye my day outside. Goodbye my play date with the other moms. Goodbye blue skies.
When did I lose control of my kids? Did I ever really have any? I never ever would have spoken to my mother like this without being afraid of the consequences. I just don't understand where I went wrong. All I asked was that they cleaned their room. You want to know what time they finished? At 7:08 pm. How well did they do? Instead of the mess being on the floor in their room, it is now stuffed into the closet which you no longer can open.
I am so angry with them right now. They are uncontrollable. The worst part, they are only 6 and 3-1/2! What am I going to do when they are older? My oldest missed out on his friends birthday party this evening because of this which in return probably disappointed his friend. My middle child missed a day with his best friend which DID disappoint him because he was looking forward to a day at the zoo. My youngest son missed out on a play date, TV time (because the TV was turned off to redirect the boys) and going outside (not to mention tripping over the mess and taking a nose dive into the coffee table) because of his older brothers. Who in this is really punished? They could care less. They show no signs of regret or sorrow. They just don't seem to care. They were however, sure to let me know how little they think of me.
Today is one of those days that I should have listened to the good news I received first thing in the morning and then go back to sleep. New rule of thumb, if you wake up with the best news you could probably hear that day...the rest of the day is going to be crappy. Go back to bed and call it a day.
This weekend my oldest will be 6 and my youngest will be 2. I probably will be doing a lot of reflecting on my kids this week. To start out the week, I wanted to share a poem I wrote last year for all of them.
