Friday, November 30, 2007

Mother or Monster

With the new law in Mass. trying to be passed I have noticed in a lot of groups that the discussion of spanking has become an open topic. For years I wasn't sure if it was appropriate or not although I was spanked as a child. It just seemed to be a hushed subject. I likied it that way. No one needing to judge how I parent my children or sharing their spanking stories.

Now I see mothers bragging about how they spank. They are proud of it. I have spanked my children, yes I have....BUT I am not proud of it. I don't brag about it or tell others to do it too. I spank according to the problem. If other forms have been repeated and my children still don't understand I try different forms of punishment to teach them a lesson. Spanking is ALWAYS a last resort. It usually doesn't work either. I have found it only works when used because my child has hit another. If my child bites....I bite them back. I don't leave marks on them. Just enough to let them know how it feels and why they shouldn't do it.

I was originally against this ban because I wasn't sure I liked someone telling me how to raise my children. A slight swat on the butt is not what they are looking to ban. I think I finally realized this. Reading how mothers spank their children for accidents and out of anger has disgusted me and THIS is what they are trying to stop! The ban may be able to keep kids safe in public as well as make parents try to find other forms of punishment.

When potty training...your children will have accident. Reassure them that accidents happen and next time try going a little earlier. Don't spank your child. You will push them back a few steps.

Your child spills their milk at the table....Don't spank them. Give them a towel and have them help clean it up. I'm 28 years old and I still spill things.

ACCIDENTS HAPPEN and they should be a learning experience....not a reason to spank!

If you are going to spank.....Learn to spank with love!

Friday, November 16, 2007

If you are unaware of my situation and want to understand the background, you can check my previous journal entry here.

I prepped him all week for this.

I tried to get him excited for it this time.

He knew what they were going to ask him questions.

He knew they wanted to play.

He was okay with it....

UNTIL WE GOT THERE.

We were driving to the school and talking in the car about what we were going to be doing and he was looking forward to it. We pulled up to the school and he asked me where the fire truck was. (Last time they must have had the children learn about firemen) I explained that they aren't always there and we discussed how you learn different things at school. He held my hand as we got out of the car and we skipped to the door. They buzzed us into the school and we headed into the main office. He wanted his visitor sticker and was excited. Then we were told we can go down to the guidance office.

I opened the door and his whole mood changed. I sat down with the "teachers" and asked him to sit next to me. He grunted, pouted and picked up his arms like a toddler. He wanted to sit on my lap. I told him no and to sit in the chair next to me. He "hmphed" and sat on the floor cross-armed. I asked him to get up and aagain he raised his hands at me. I told him no again. One of the teachers asked if I could swich where I was trying to get him to sit. I got up and he sat in my seat. Everyone moved around him.

Without trying to ease him in or anything. They started right with a puzzle throwing it in front of him and asking him questions. He grabbed a hold of the table with a kung-fu grip and put his head down making his evil look that disturbs me. I covered his eyes and asked him to please stop and do the simple puzzle. He just sat there.

After a few minutes the teacher decided to try letting him draw to get him comfortable. He loves to draw so I figured it wouyld work. After 5 minutes of head still down and kung fu grip they decided to try going to motor skills.

They asked him to run down the hall. He still didn't budge. The teacher tried topick him out of his seat and I asked her to allow me to do it because he is very strong and I didn't want her to get hurt. I pried the kung fu grip off the table. I tried to get him to stand and he dropped himself to the floor. To try and get him to run I walked down the hall and asked him to run to me. There's a side hallway so I said I was leaving and kind of hid so he would run. Instead...he crawled down the hall to me like a baby. Then he lifted his arms for me to pick him up. I told him no.

I then hid off with him and had a talk with him as he chewed on his nails and his shirt. I told him that they were very nice and all they wanted to do was play with him. I asked him if he could do that for me and he told me no. He dropped himself to the floor. I tried over and over to pick up his dead-weight body to standing but he refused to let his feet make contact with the floor. After a few minutes of struggling with 44 lbs of dead weight I gave up and walked back into the area where the teachers were waiting and listening.

They decided instead of trying to force him to do things they would just ask me questions about his development since I've been completely honest and not trying to make him seem "better" than he is. We discussed everything and they told me that hopefully they can at least get the speech evaluation completed since that was my major concern. I said hopefully since the speech therapist is coming to my home wer will have better results. They thanked me for coming.

I picked up my dead weight child off the ground and asked him if he wanted to go to Starbucks. As soon as we left that office he came alive again. We discussed all the children's artwork on the walls and the importance of going to school. He doesn't think he needs to go back ever but would like to do the art projects on the walls.

I don't know how I am going to get him ready for kindergarten next year. My poor baby is really anti-school.

Friday, November 9, 2007

With all the discussions on religion, I went surfing the internet looking for different variations that could make all happy. Here are a few that I found and I feel regardless of your religion or lack of one, you can agree of what they are trying to achieve--religious freedom, religious tolerance, and an end to sexism and racism.

We, the members of the human community speak these words, saying.

  1. We shall not limit freedom of thought.
  2. We shall not cause unnecessary harm to any living thing or the environment.
  3. We shall be respectful of the rights of others.
  4. We shall be honest.
  5. We shall be responsible for our actions.
  6. We shall be fair in all matters to all persons.
  7. We shall be considerate of the happiness and well being of others.
  8. We shall be reasonable in our actions.
  9. We shall nurture these values by word & deed in our children, family, friends and acquaintances.
  10. We shall not limit inquiring or testing by their consequences, on any matter, including these Commandments.
Ten Commandments for the Third Millennium: Written by a person who would prefer to remain anonymous. It is obviously a religiously inclusive restatement of the Biblical Ten Commandments which would be acceptable to followers of most religions and to secularists as well:
  1. Respect and worship any deity within your faith tradition, if you follow one. Value and support the right of others to do the same.
  2. Enjoy and support legal guarantees of freedom of religious belief, religious practice, assembly and speech for all.
  3. Do not use obscene speech in the name of the deities of any religion.
  4. Follow the guidance of your faith or secular tradition every day of the week, because every day is important.
  5. Help to establish social safety nets so that the very young, the elderly, the sick, mentally ill, physically disabled, unemployed, poor and broken will receive adequate medical attention and enjoy at least a minimum standard of living.
  6. Minimize the harm you do to others and yourself. Treat others as you would wish to be treated.
  7. Do not engage in sexual activity with another person, which is coercive, unsafe, manipulative, public, or outside of a committed monogamous relationship.
  8. Do not steal the property of others, except in case of emergency (and then only if you attempt to replace or pay for it later).
  9. Do not lie, either in or out of court. Be honest and truthful at all times.
  10. Attempt to be satisfied with your current standard of living; do not obsess over the possessions of others; that path leads to unhappiness.
New versions of five of the commandments by Marylin Vos Savant: In her column in Parade Magazine for 1994-MAR-20, she reverses the last five commandments in interesting ways:
bullet6: "Thou shalt not kill" becomes "Heal those who have been harmed."
bullet7: "Thou shalt not commit adultery" becomes "Respect everyone."
bullet8: "Thou shalt not steal" becomes "Give more to the world than you take."
bullet9: "Thou shalt not bear false witness" becomes "Value the dignity of truth."
bullet

10: "Thou shalt not covet" becomes "Be content with the necessities of life."

The "Shalt Nots"

bulletThou shalt not kill.
bulletThou shalt not steal.
bulletThou shalt not lie.
bulletThou shalt not hate.
bulletThou shalt not oppress.
The "Shalls"
bulletThou shall love.
bulletThou shall create.
bulletThou shall seek knowledge.
bulletThou shall have courage.
bulletThou shall know thyself.

Native American Ten Commandments: This has been published in many places on the Internet. The author is unknown:
  1. Treat the Earth and all that dwell thereon with respect.
  2. Remain close to the Great Spirit.
  3. Consider the impact on the next six generations when making decisions.
  4. Work together to benefit all humanity.
  5. Freely give help and kindness wherever needed.
  6. Do what you believe to be right.
  7. Look after the well-being of your mind and body.
  8. Contribute a share of your efforts to the greater good.
  9. Be truthful and honest at all times.
  10. Take full responsibility for your actions.

Due to all the recent recalls, I have decided there will be no toys for my children for Christmas.

This year we will be enjoying the spirit of Christmas and I will be teaching my children the real meaning. The boys will learn the story of Jesus. They will make puppets and act out the story. We will bake cookies and make gifts for family. We will sing songs and put up a tree. They will even get to go see Santa but on Christmas morning they will know that there will be no toys under the tree.

I will explain (since they are so young) that Santa's workshop is broken and no toys will be made this year. Will they get presents? Of course! But the presents will be clothes, books, movies, maybe computer games and arts and crafts. They will go into the new year learning how to use there imagination and how to make forts and things out of everyday things. Is the hottest toys out therereally worth the riskto my children? No. If things go right, they won't be disappointed come Christmas morning, either.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

I just am uncertain what dangers this holiday season will bring into my home. With all the recent recalls it's making me really worried about the gifts my children will receive for Christmas. How disappointing. Not only do we have to worry about the food we prepare and feed our children now the dangers in the toys are at a high. I told most family members to buy clothes but you know that kids won't get excited about that. How do you know what's safe anymore? Between lead, date rape drugs and all the other recent findings what do we do with the holidays approaching? Maybe buy the kids crafts or old fashioned toys? Avoid big name company's? I can't even keep up with all the recalls anymore.

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